[Spoken]
LURCH: I'm on my way to a punk rock show at the Clubhouse in Colorado Springs to see the Nobodys! Since B-Face left the Queers, they're my favorite band. I hope Lurch talks to me, he knows everything about everything. Hey, that's not the Nobodys! And that's not that nitwit Lurch! Hey, wait a minute! Where am I?! Everything went black! What the... Good God, no! Where am I??! AHHHHH!

JOE: Heh, don't worry kid. You're just beyond the valley...of the assfuckers!

You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley
You're beyond the valley

[Spoken]
JOE: Beyond the Valley of the Assfuckers is a Quinn Martin production starring Efrem Zimbalist Jr., Lurch fuckin' Nobody from Colorado Springs, Wimpy Rutherford from outer fuckin' space, and [?] Joe fuckin' Queer, motherfucker. Beyond the Valley of the Assfuckers: punk rock for the next millennium, faggot. What Black Flag, [?], and the Ramones begat, Mike Ness effectively killed with Rancid. December 31st, 12:59 p.m., 1999, motherfucker. See kids? Punk rock for the next millennium! It's not about your little boyfriend with his little [?] mohawk, panhandling in his little $150 Doc Martens on Telegraph and acting like he's a punk rock fuckin' know-it-all 'cause he saw Rancid driving down the fuckin' street. Fuck that bullshit, man. And punk rock's not for that fuckin'... those assholes in fuckin' San Francisco, Maximum fuckin' RocknRoll, telling everybody what's punk and what isn't, like those West Coast faggots would even know. All those pimply-faced fags are from Montana, anyway, and their fuckin' ugly bitches should fuckin' shave their legs. Punk rock for the next millennium, see kids? You gotta get your shit together. It's like every other fuckin' thing in this fuckin' world. Punk rock for the next millennium: it's all about the money. Tell it to the motherfuckers at MaximumRocknRoll, it's all about the money. It's all about the money when you're beyond the valley of the assfuckers!

Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers, yeah!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers, yeah!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
You're all assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Fuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Punk rock assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers, yeah!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, punk rock assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, punk rock assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Burn the fuckin' money, fucker!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, go, go for the money!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, punk rock assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, punk rock assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
You assfuckers, assfuckers, assfuckers!
Suck dick for fucking money, you little sellout faggot
Fuck you, you assfucker
(You're beyond the valley)
(You're beyond the valley)
Dick sucker