[BERTHE]
She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear

[SOPHIA]
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair

[BERTHE]
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair

[SOPHIA]
I've even heard her singing in the abbey

[BERTHE]
She's always late for chapel

[SOPHIA]
But her penitence is real

[BERTHE]
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to havе to say it
But I very firmly feel
[BERTHE & SOPHIA]
Maria's not an asset to the abbеy

[MARGARETTA]
I'd like to say a word in her behalf

[MOTHER ABBESS, spoken]
Then say it, Sister Margaretta

[MARGARETTA]
Maria makes me laugh

[SOPHIA]
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

[MARGARETTA]
How do you find a word that means Maria?

[BERTHE]
A flibbertigibbet?

[SOPHIA]
A will-o'-the-wisp?
[MARGARETTA]
A clown?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand

[MARGARETTA]
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

[MARGARETTA]
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

[MOTHER ABBESS]
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

[MARGARETTA]
When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am

[BERTHE]
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
[MARGARETTA]
She's a darling

[BERTHE]
She's a demon

[MARGARETTA]
She's a lamb

[SOPHIA]
She'll out-pester any pest
Drive a hornet from his nest

[BERTHE]
She can throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

[MARGARETTA]
She is gentle, she is wild

[SOPHIA]
She's a riddle, she's a child

[BERTHE]
She's a headache

[MARGARETTA]
She's an angel

[MOTHER ABBESS]
She's a girl

[MOTHER ABBESS, BERTHE, MARGARETTA & SOPHIA]
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?

[MARGARETTA]
A flibbertigibbet?

[SOPHIA]
A will-o'-the-wisp?

[BERTHE]
A clown?

[MOTHER ABBESS, BERTHE, MARGARETTA & SOPHIA]
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand

[MOTHER ABBESS]
But how do you make her stay

[SOPHIA]
And listen to all you say?

[MARGARETTA]
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

[MOTHER ABBESS, BERTHE, MARGARETTA & SOPHIA]
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?