[Intro]
Well...

[Verse 1]
The Poopsmith, he could talk (Hello!)
And Marzipan would rock
And The Stick would be this big ol' tree
Who'd try to eat everyone except for The Cheat and me
(And me!) We'll see...

[Verse 2]
And The King of Town would be underground
In a box filled up with peas
(I hate peas!) I know!
Bubs would give away flamethrowers
That shoot chocolate hundred dollar bills
(Imitation chocolate!)
And my stupid baby brother
Would have been born with horns and a tail
(I'm evil...)

[Verse 3]
And Coach Z would wear this cool jacket
(Check it out, yo!)
And Homestar just couldn't have it
(I quit!)
And Pom Pom wouldn't change at all
Except he'd look like an ABA basketball
(Two, three, four)
[Outro]
And this little weirdo
Would be a modestly hot girl
To help me through the hard times
You know, the kind that are only sorta hot
So they don't mess around with other guys
(D'ah-ah-ah, I'm forever your girl!)