[Verse 1]
Salutations pain his karma, a-bent joints and a-fighting words
Got his mean streak from his mother, ha ha ha
Now Love Boats pain his liver, blurred eyes on the city lights
Collapsin' on the upbeat, a-relaxin' for the nights
He steps into a crazy hotel, the desk clerk hands him soap-on-a-rope
What does he mean by this?
Bellhop takes his flashlight, takes John up to his room
Va-va-va-voom this is a sweet life, anthrax on the couch, ah!

[Pre-Chorus 1]
We're here to entertain you
Oh, have you seen this episode?
We're the ancient order of robot dolls
We're putting you at the controls, ha ha ha ha ha!

[Chorus]
Wel-wel-wel-welcome to Hell Hotel
Wel-wel-wel-welcome to Hell Hotel

[Verse 2]
Sports cars and the gamblin', John's winning every night
Well there's certain smells John can't repel, but mama, that can't be right
He bolts awake to laughing, but no one's in his room
And the big white man doesn't understand why John can't smile no more, ah!
[Pre-Chorus 2]
We're here to make you happy
That's all that we are programmed for
But you say this pleasure's a pain for you
Sebastian C. could tell you more, a-ha ha ha ha!

[Chorus]
Wel-wel-wel-welcome to Hell Hotel
Wel-wel-wel-welcome to Hell Hotel