Ladies and gentlemen
Creatures of the night
Terrestrials that are extra, lend me your ears!
Would you like to be shocked and amazed?

Would you like to see a single sheet of paper called money
Control an evolutionary masterpiece that was billions of years in the making called a human?

Would you like to hear a race of beings that actually think Earth belongs to them?
That’s right, I kid you not!
Step right in and see how they believe the planet belongs to them

But as we all know
We belong to the planet

BUT NOT HERE
That’s right come step right in and have a float through our peculiar, yet fantastical

Gallery Of Thrills!
We’re all dying
Gallery Of Thrills!
We’re all dying

Yes I know
You may have traveled
The far corners of the universe
In search of intelligent life
But I’m here to tell you
You won’t find
That here
No, no!

You must keep a move on my friend
Come stop on in
If you would like to feel
A thrill
Down your spine!

We have that men truly believe they are superior to women
We have people who kill animals with military-grade weapons
That call themselves hunters and deem it a sport!

Ha, that’s right!
Right here!
I kid you not, it is one bizarre gallery we have here, I assure you
Boy we got it all here
I wish I could say these were fake creations coming from my carnie mouth …
But sadly this is all real

Right, now this is just the tip of the iceberg here, why don’t you come swing on by
Swing on by and see for yourself, the Gallery of Thrills

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish you Martians would just beam me up
I would feel more safe in the unknown than what is known here