What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!

(spoken)
No one can, like, shoot it way over him, 'cause he's so fat

[Intro, spoken]
Okay, so, I'm on a tribute record for myself. It's not that I think I'm a big deal, I'm just friends with the Zambonis. I like 'em. I don't think I'm the bee's knees or anything

[Verse 1]
In hockey you gotta score a goal
Which one cannot do if between me and the net there's no hole
Most goalies are quick
React at the drop of a hat
But I don't need to be quick when I got so much fat

[Chorus]
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!

[spoken]
Are you a little baby?
I'm a little bit of a baby
[Verse 2]
You can try the wristshot, slapshot, there's no getting through
I told you ten times you cannot fake out blubber, dude
I won't get tired, 'cause I'll just lie on my side
So the other teams won't copy I'll be signed at the deadline
Turn on channel 29 on your telly
I've eliminated the kick save and only block with my belly (ha ha ha)
Me and George Ezina, I'll be a new sensation
The NHL can't not let me play 'cause that's discrimination!

[Chorus]
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!

[Verse 3]
Hey man do you know what is up?
The Flyers could've used me in the Stanley Cup
And I don't care if it ruins the sport of the game
'Cause we're winning, yeah we're winning!

[Chorus]
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!
And we danced like a wave on the ocean (What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?)
Romanced, we were liars in love (You play goalie!)
And we danced like a wave on the ocean (What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?)
Romanced, and we danced and we danced (You play goalie!)
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds? (You better, you better deflect)
You play goalie!
What do you do when you're 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!

[spoken]
I don't even like hockey