[Music Video Intro]
Good morning, diary, it's, er, the 5th of August, and, erm
Yeah, I don't feel too bad actually, I've got to take, er
Gotta take Jo Whiley's microphone back to her today, and, um
Yeah, I'm, um, bit nervous, really

[Intro]
This is a message to Jo Whiley:
Jo, seriously, the year I've had has been crazy
I've had a stomach ulcer and a broken heart
I've been out with a celebrity
But, thankfully, no one found out about that

[Verse 1]
I was just gonna post it back anonymously
But, Jo, that's not what my mum and dad raised me up to be
I made a deal with superstition and I make deals to keep
September 2003, Friday the 13th
I was on your show, you supported me, I thank you eternally
Things were different back then, before the gambling learned me
The days of free beer, before that said celebrity fling
Back then, I was desperate to make an excellent second disc
I did something bad but always vowed to my soul
That if my next work increased my amount of albums that sold
Enough for Mike to not end up back out on the dole
I promised I'd promptly send you back what I stole
[Chorus]
I don't know how to say this one but I stole your microphone
While I was on your live radio show, Jo
(Friday the 13th is unlucky for some, I tell you)
The thirteenth is unlucky for some (But not for my mum)
But that Friday was lucky for Mum
'Cause that mic you loaned me made for a number one
(Number one, so thank you)

[Verse 2]
I slid a Neumann microphone into my pocket
Bowled out the studio just as Avril Lavigne got in, oi
I was nervous like, even though that type of swipe's quite easy
And not 'cause of how many millions had tuned in to me speak
I don't feel good about it and I don't want to repeat it
But the mic went pride of place on Grand Don't Come For Free
Three years on, now I'm all in, now I've won what I needed
So I want to be straight up, and own up for the deed
I wasn't going to tell you, but I started feeling bad
'Cause you were so safe when I went in
Around the release of my last
It's a joke, anyway, what I wanted to say is just, "Sorry"
I took your mic, but I'm sending it back to you, promptly
(You can have it back, seriously)

[Chorus]
I don't know how to say this one (I really am sorry)
But I stole your microphone
While I was on your live radio show, Jo
The thirteenth is unlucky for some (But not for my mum)
The thirteenth is unlucky for some
But that Friday was lucky for Mum
'Cause that mic you loaned me made for a number one
[Bridge]
I keep gettin' these letters about not paying my license fee
They're all red, it's a warning to pay
(You know, to say you gotta pay)
Then after a while they go back to blue for a change
Then I'll pay that as well as my water rates
(My heating doesn't actually work at the moment)

[Chorus]
I don't know how to say this one but I stole your microphone
While I was on your live radio show, Jo
The thirteenth's unlucky for some
But that Friday was lucky for Mum
'Cause that mic you loaned me made for a number one

[Outro]
There it is, seriously, I am really hon–I am really sorry, honest
Er, yeah, I'm not gonna use the fact that I was drunk
To, you know, excuse mysel–I was drunk though
It even broke at one point
I had it repaired, serious
It costs quite a lot to have those microphones repaired
But yeah, I've grown quite attached to it
So, um, we named him "Silver"
Er, I recorded, er, nearly two albums
So, yeah, please give him a good home
'Cause he's become, you know, really quite a good friend