[Intro]
Absolutely Dame Judy Dench

[Verse 1]
My condition is a delusion
Created to escape my blame
And Dave thinks Glaswegian police are superheroes
Which his brain may have created
When the railings rattle in a mad bit of Glasgow
The police make him feel safer
So his condition is a delusion
Based on fear, it seems, mainly
But that's nothing like me

[Chorus]
Deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I

[Verse 2]
But Lydia is nothing like me
She's really unlucky in life, see
She's prone to getting into a tight squeeze
She's broken seven bones in her life, see
There's no condition of delusion
When it comes to Lydia at all
I thought I might be deluded 'cause her tale is
Ruddy unbelievable
A dislocated shoulder and a stolen car
And a whole steal more
Her condition is of no delusion
Lydia is real to the core
But that's nothing like me either
[Chorus]
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I

[Verse 3]
Steve, I think he might just be like me
I felt that his mind might be lying
Something about him didn't quite fit
This is why I'm really like Steve
Steve's opinion is a conclusion
That a road can curse its drivers
Which, initially, I figured was either stupid
Or, at best, his mind was mad
But how can I say he's stupid when the thing about delusions
Is that I wouldn't know I was mad?
Steve's only condition is that it's my opinion he's deluded
But maybe I am?
So there's no way to tell delusions
From the concrete given facts
Maybe the common consensus
Is actually just madness
Maybe the wacky madman
Is actually not mad
And maybe if I carry on shouting
You'll forget what I did bad
[Chorus]
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I

[Bridge]
So Dave is nothing like me
Lydia is nothing like me
Steve is nothing like me
And Bigfoot, that's a different story

[Chorus]
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I
I'm deluded in my mind
I do good things and never lie
But sometimes our minds can be the liars
And that's why it wasn't I