[Intro: Mike Skinner]
I dream that one day I'll have a child
And that child will say to me "Dad, what was war?"
But it's not going to happen!

[Chorus: Leo the Lion]
It's a war of the sexes, never get it blurred
I beg that you learn 'cause she's cleverer
How attracted to you she is, is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

[Verse 1: Mike Skinner]
Oi, the reason girls flirt is to work out their worth
Whereas the men just hanker for panky to happen
Retain this fact I'm hammering, this fact is gonna matter
What little you think you're letting by her sly
She senses you're near her and smells your desire
The general rule of mine: her intellect will be higher
Your task is to make her notice you fast
But hanker while you don't close in after
She knows she can get most dudes
Though she mustn't know about you
If you screw this all then and then lose all your cool
That's when she ends up liking you as a friend
You're not playing hard to get
You're playing at not getting a hard-on yet
[Chorus: Leo the Lion]
It's a war of the sexes, never get it blurred
I beg that you learn 'cause she's cleverer
How attracted to you she is, is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

[Verse 2: Mike Skinner]
And you wanna know what? Listen
The answer is to get close enough to her, but listen
The next thing you totally blank her
You think I'm fucking mad, don't ya?
But I don't shag on my own
Get somewhere near to the lamb
Glance at her, but turn to the man
You do need to be near the lamb
But she doesn't want to feel cramped
Instead of cowering up to the hostile lamb
Bowl up to the trusting man
It's much easier talking to him
He doesn't suspect you want anything
Just tell him something like:
"Did you know cigarette lighters were invented before matches?"
It's ABC, making a he, break with glee
'Cause he isn't suspicious you're trying to muscle into his missus
Do you know what I'm talking about? That's why I'm talking about
[Chorus: Leo the Lion]
It's a war of the sexes, never get it blurred
I beg that you learn 'cause she's cleverer
How attracted to you she is, is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

[Bridge: Mike Skinner]
The woman is a highly socially practiced
Master in body language, dab-handed actress
She's calculating all of the mad facts and the figures
While you're pretending to listen, staring at her tits

[Chorus: Leo the Lion]
It's a war of the sexes, never get it blurred
I beg that you learn 'cause she's cleverer
How attracted to you she is, is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have
It's a war of the sexes, never get it blurred
I beg that you learn 'cause she's cleverer
How attracted to you she is, is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

[Verse 3: Mike Skinner]
Elementary, my dear cousin (Elementary)
I cannot state this enough
She must not clock your flop
You can't placard your march
Your threws secludes your moves
Or you're colluding well weapon
[Chorus: Leo the Lion]
It's a war of the sexes, never get it blurred
I beg that you learn 'cause she's cleverer
How attracted to you she is, is partly your gab
But it's multiplied by how little of you she can have

[Outro: Mike Skinner]
And remember not to get hammered either
'Cause people who get hammered don't get to nail