[Intro: Teddy Mitchell]
This guy's got me so irate, man
He's so safe as well

[Chorus: Teddy Mitchell]
He's got me so irate (Fuming, man)
Safest one of my mates (Cool guy, man)
But when he's soaked by the ale (Bad news)
He's not very nice or safe (Nah)
He's got me so irate (Got me irate, mate)
Safest one of my mates (Good buddy)
But when he's soaked by the ale
He's not very nice or safe (He's not nice, man)

[Verse 1: Teddy Mitchell]
We need to go back and grab the ice-cream, mate
He wants to go back where their beer sprayed
He just gets so drunk it becomes a cliché
He's a top bloke but can't take his dear ale
Not only did he do that, but he wants a replay
Risking getting arrested here in Spain, and what for?
For a three Euros tub of ice-cream, mate
At this point, I then speeded away

[Chorus: Teddy Mitchell]
He's got me so irate (Fucking dickhead, man)
Safest one of my mates (D'you know what I mean?)
But when he's soaked by the ale (Here we go)
He's not very nice or safe
He's got me so irate (Told him to fix up)
Safest one of my mates
But when he's soaked by the ale (Oh)
He's not very nice or safe
[Verse 2: Teddy Mitchell]
Man, he's laughing like a loud lout, shouting jokes (That's on)
It's the shit that got him kicked out by Simone
Not even thinking about the row at home (Nope)
Acting like a clown in a lout show (Haha, yeah, yeah, yeah)
So then he then slips down and clouds the window
Drops the ice-cream on the ground below (Oh, God)
Stumbling 'round through the doorway, out on his toes
And we all had to run down the road (Fucking hell)

[Chorus: Teddy Mitchell]
He's got me so irate
Safest one of my mates (Yeah)
But when he's soaked by the ale
He's not very nice or safe
He's got me so irate (He always does it)
Safest one of my mates (Yeah, yeah)
But when he's soaked by the ale (Ooh)
He's not very nice or safe (Nah)

[Bridge: Mike Skinner]
We should just go back to the shop
I don't wanna– you know what I mean?
It's gonna cost three Euros for a fucking ice-cr– this ice-cream
D'you know what I mean? Yeah, it's just three Euros, but
Three Euros for a tub of ice-cream, d'you know what I mean?
[Verse 3: Teddy Mitchell]
I could see it coming, I could see what he thought
I knew I should have tried to thwart (I knew it)
I should have taken the tub off him in the store
Stopping him shoving it in his shorts
Then he wouldn't have sworn at the señor (Don't do that, man)
Or smashed the window to pieces on the floor
Causing me to have to panic before (Oh)
Rushing him and me out the door (You right, man?)

[Chorus: Teddy Mitchell]
He's got me so irate
Safest one of my mates
But when he's soaked by the ale
He's not very nice or safe (Nah)
He's got me so irate (I'm really pissed off)
Safest one of my mates
But when he's soaked by the ale (I told him to stop drinking)
He's not very nice or safe

[Outro: Teddy Mitchell]
Fucking idiot, man, he's always doing it