Fat Charlie gobbles donuts at every breakfast
He grabs his water and a cooler and a shovel and pail
He yells at kids from his car while they ride their skateboards
He hits the beach and he looks just like a whale

All the girls get on their boards and all the boys go to the liquor store
For a six-pack, a carton-o-smokes, Ninja Turtle candy & a pack of Slo Pokes
Fat Charlie's from Diamond Bar

Fat Charlie really wants to be a cop
He buys the officers doughnut holes and soda pop
He's got his parents all worried 'bout his G.P.A
Police academy threw his application away

All the girls get on their boards and all the boys go to the liquor store
For a six-pack, a carton-o-smokes, Ninja Turtle candy & a pack of Slo Pokes
Fat Charlie's from Lake Elsinore

(to the tune of "L.A. Woman" by The Doors)
I said I never loved you
You set my car on fire
Then they put me in an institution
'Cause I'm a pathological liar

All the girls get on their boards and all the boys go to the liquor store
For a six-pack, a carton-o-smokes, Ninja Turtle candy & a pack of Slo Pokes
Fat Charlie plays a mean guitar!
All the girls get on their boards and all the boys go to the liquor store
For a six-pack, a carton-o-smokes, Ninja Turtle candy & a pack of Slo Pokes
All the girls get on their boards and all the boys go to the liquor store
For a six-pack, a carton-o-smokes, Ninja Turtle candy & a pack of Slo Pokes
Fat Charlie bought a Cuisinart!