Don't forget to tip the waiter
He might slip you a mickey
Don't forget to tip the bartender
He might spit in your drink

What a shame it would be spinning uncontrollably
Or choking down a big ol' green lung cookie

Always, always tip the bellhop
All your bags he'll be sure to drop
Always always tip the band
Then they'll rock you like a hurricane

What a shame it would be luggage falling ten stories
Or having a guitar thrown into your face

Never, never stiff the local cop
He might hit you with his billy club (bop bop shoe bop)
Never ever stiff the judge
Bake him some brownies or some fudge

What a shame it might be
Bleeding from your head profusely
Or doing a nickel in the federal penitentiary

Wawa wawa wawa wawa wawa wawa wawa wawa