He was a friend and a hairy companion
Two big brown eyes just a-staring at the sun
His tail would wag in the summer breeze
And gently caress my cheek
The swimming pool attendant couldn't save him
That old fella he weighed too much
He waved goodbye as he sank out of sight
Like a crab in a workmans' lavvie

[Spoken]
Ah, yeah, Old Doug
What a gay old Alsatian he was
He was like a brother to me
I remember, he was so portly his saddle wouldn't fit properly and I had to use an old mattress
Sometimes on warm summer's evening I used to get into the kennel with him and we'd sip hot water and examine his collection of Nazi regalia for hours

But now that old kennel is empty
But I might use it for storing engine parts
Or block up the hole and turn it upside down
And use it as a coracle

But for now I'm going to use it for private reasons
At midnight when the moon is full
And tonight I'd like to use it with you
And you
And you
And you
In fact–all of yous