Right! Hand me down that bottle of tequila from the shelf
I'll have a beer to follow & all, here take one for yerself
I've been off the piss for ten long years & I've a bloody thirst
And I won't be leavin' here until you carry me feet first

Me old ball & chain is in a shallow grave
So hit me, ONE, TWO, - ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
I don't have to suffer anymore

‘Til I've tripped over the speakers & I've fallen through the band
And told the chubby bouncer ‘geeza shout if ye need a hand!'
I'm screamin o'er the bar & I'm spittin' in yer ear
And signin' wi' my hands for ya to geez another beer

Me old ball & chain is in a shallow grave
So hit me, ONE, TWO, - ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
I don't have to suffer anymore

‘Til I've kicked shit out yer jukebox & broken all yer darts
& talked the friggin ears off my reflection in the glass
I've spewed all down the front o' me & pissed all down me leg
And I'm propped up in the corner like a fuckin' rusty keg

Me old ball & chain is in a shallow grave
So hit me, ONE, TWO, - ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
I don't have to suffer anymore
‘Til I'm snorin' like a chainsaw & I'm layin there catchin' flies
And you ye cheeky bugger pops two pennies in me eyes
"God love ye and protect ye, get yer knees up Missus Brown
She's topped her flamin' hubby & she's torn up half the town!"

Me old ball & chain is in a shallow grave
So hit me, ONE, TWO, - ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
I don't have to suffer anymore. (ONE TWO THREE FOUR)
Me old ball & chain is in a shallow grave
So hit me , ONE, TWO, - ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
I don't have to suffer anymore
So hit me , ONE, TWO, - ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
I don't have to suffer anymore