[Verse 1]
[Peter:]
I can't poop in strange places

[Quagmire:]
Strange places

[Peter:]
I can only poop in my home
It's as though I'm watched by strange faces

[Quagmire:]
Strange faces

[Peter:]
It's why I never roam

[Interlude]
[Patron:]
Excuse me, I just wanna grab one of those newspapers.

[Quagmire:]
Just grab one and go!

[Patron:]
I'm looking for a job, okay?!!
[Verse 2]
[Peter:]
I've left Stewie alone with strangers

[Quagmire]
Strangers...

[Peter:]
To satisfy my fecal needs...

[Chorus: Peter & Quagmire]
I've put my whole family in danger
To poop before my anus bleeds
Home bowl, home bowl
You know just what I need
Home bowl, home bowl
Poop before my anus bleeds