It's weird to be a recovering drug addict. It was weird to be a drug addict, but at least I was on drugs. It's strange sometimes, you know, like I'm doing great. But when I'm alone, I'm with the person that tried to kill me. Sometimes I walk past a mirror, I'm like, "This fucking guy again. Jesus."

That is kind of a creepy feeling sometimes. But it's also a nice feeling. It gives me a strange kind of confidence sometimes, because, like, look, I... I used to care what everyone thought about me... so much. It was all I cared about. All I carеd about was what other people thought of mе. And I don't anymore.

And I don't because I can honestly say, what is someone going to do to me that's worse than what I would do to myself? What, are you going to cancel John Mulaney? I'll kill him. I almost did.

I was in a museum in Detroit with my son. I was pushing him in a stroller through this big room where they have all these Diego Rivera murals. And I was explaining to my son, Malcolm. He was about nine months at the time. Diego Rivera was brilliant but a communist. And Malcolm was just blowing kisses to inanimate objects and crossing his eyes as he shit his diaper.

And I'd never been out with him and had to change a diaper alone in public before. So I went up to the museum docent, and I said, "Is there anywhere I can change my baby?" And she goes, "Yeah, the men's room would be fine." I go, "Okay." And I push him in the men's room.

And I walk in there and I look on the wall. "Hello, old friend."