My life is in a much, much better place now. But... if I ever feel that I need a reminder... Thank you very much. ...of just how bad things used to be. I luckily, have this. This is an interview that I gave to GQ magazine, that I have absolutely no memory of giving.

Have you ever had a conversation on drugs that you don't remember the next day? Was it a very long interview? I gave this interview December 15th, 2020. My intervention was December 18th. So it's bad that it was bеfore.

I guess what happenеd was a reporter called me and he said, "Hey, I'd like to interview you." I was on a lot of cocaine, and I don't know if you know how cocaine works, but that is great news.

So I want to share a few highlights from this interview that I have no memory of giving. Beginning with a line in their introduction, which says, "GQ hopped on the phone with the comedian, for a wide-ranging conversation. First question. "GQ: What are you up to today?" "Mulaney: I walked past what is supposedly the most haunted building in New York City." "GQ: Oh!" "Where is that?" "Mulaney: It's a vacuum cleaner store, and it's on 14th between 5th and 6th, and it used to be a boarding house. My, oh my, apparently just incredibly haunted, and I'm talking like Poltergeist haunted." "GQ: Okay. Did you get a chill or a bad vibe?" "Mulaney: It doesn't give me a bad vibe anymore. I think when I first walked past it, I knew what it was. So maybe I faked the bad vibes."

What? What could he mean? By the way, they have editors. They could have helped me out.

"I think when I first walked past it, I knew what it was. So maybe I faked the bad vibes. Although I walked by a house that was haunted in Los Angeles once, and I didn't know it was haunted. I was just kind of like, 'Oh, what's this house?' And then slowly, I was like, 'Nah, I don't like this house. I'm going to walk away from here with my dog.' And then I found out it was called the murder house of Los Feliz. And then I found out that it had a terrible history. Yes, that's the only time that I've really had a creeping sense of ghouls and ghosts out of nowhere, and then have it to be proven totally correct."

No. There was not another question asked in the midst of that run, I am still answering the question, "What did you do today?" Also, I goddamn love that I used the word "ghouls." When do you get to say that?

Next question. "GQ: I want to talk to you about how this year has been for you creatively because around this time last year, you were coming off of the Sack Lunch Bunch, which was arguably one of your biggest creative risks, and it really paid off. How has your creative process been impacted by this year?" "Mulaney: If you heard that spoon drop, it's 'cause I'm eating a bowl of fruit loops."

Phenomenal. Phenomenal answer... to any question in life. Always call out and identify every noise in a room. It doesn't come off paranoid... at all.

Next question. "GQ Magazine: Watching you on late night with Seth Meyers made me wonder, would you ever want your own talk show?" "Mulaney: Okay. So...I had two ideas for a talk show once."

Let's pause and appreciate that sentence for a sec. "I had two ideas for a talk show once."

"And by ideas, I mean, I thought about them in the privacy of my own room. One idea would be just interviewing people who do anything that interests me. And I don't mean like I'm on the ground and I'm watching them do their job. No, it would be like a talk show set. And they'd come out there. And there'd be a band and so forth."

Okay, let's pause right here. So, just to recap. I had two ideas... for a talk show once. And the first of these is a talk show.
"The other idea was to have a show and just have on only elderly people. Which I obviously would not do now due to the risks. But I just thought it would be great to talk to old people, especially if they were comfortable talking about being at the end of their lives."

Next question. "GQ: Speaking of television, you had that sitcom that didn't pan out, but that was such a long time ago. We're in an era where networks and all these different streaming services are giving creators seemingly more room to make the shows that they want. Given that, would you try it again?" "Mulaney: Are you talking about a multi-cam, live audience sitcom, the way I did it?" "GQ: No. Not necessarily." "Mulaney: I would do the exact same show I did before, and the only thing I would change is the audience."

And here's how it wraps up.

"GQ: I think what we've established in this conversation is that there are a ton of different ideas rattling around in your head that you should definitely make happen." "Mulaney: If that's what people take away from this, I'd be thrilled."

"GQ: Okay. I'm going to let you go. I don't want to take too much of your time away from the fruit loops." "Mulaney: What are you talking about? They're long gone."

Good night, Boston. Thank you very, very much.