I grew up in an American town, no locks on the doors
When we all bedded down to sleep
Met a pretty young girl and made her my bride
After church on Sundays, take the kids for a ride down the street

Swimming holes, catching fireflies in jars
Spend the evening staring at the stars

Then the gays got married (the gays got married)
And the plant shut down (plant shut down)
And the crops dried up (the crops dried up)
Everywhere around (Everywhere around)

Then the gays started kissin' (started kissin')
And the state said "Cool" (cool)
And they made all the kids
Be gay in school

'Cause them gays got married (gays got married)

They announced it on TV
Jumped in my truck and slammed reverse
I had to get to my family
Before the gay could get there first

Hauling ass down the interstate
In my throat I could my heart
I didn't know how much time I had
Before all the orgies would start
And they're grabbing guys like me
And they're pulling us out of our trucks
And they're kissing our lips, and nibbling our ears
And all sorts of sexy stuff
And they're taking us out to fancy hotels
And partying the night away
And they're saying how good we look in their shirt
When we wake up the next day

No, I dare not look back
To see what's behind
They almost got me once
When I was surfing online
And as strong and straight as I know I am
Every man can be pushed too far
I've seen the devil, and the devil looks like
Mario Lopez in jean shorts washing his car

I pulled up into my house
And I quickly ran inside
I grabbed my lovely spouse
But I felt no love when I looked in her eyes
The gay had gone airborne
And I didn't make it in time
My family unit
Had already been undermined
Because
The gays got married (the gays got married)
And released gay spores (gay spores)
And all the straight people (all the people)
Weren't in love no more (never love no more)
'cause them gays got married (the gays got married)

Been in this bunker three long years
Canned food and recycled air
Yet I shudder when I think 'bout
What must be happening up there

A radioactive scorched desertscape
Ruled by roving biker gangs
With scary tattoos and muscley arms
Blue eyes and super cute bangs

So I'll seal myself off from everyone
And hide here until I die
Confused and angry, sad and alone
And I know the reason why...

'cause the gays got married (the gays got married)
The gays got married (the gays got married)
The gays got married (the gays got married)
The gays got married