[Chorus: Trevor Moore]
Drunk texts to myself
Messages through time
I don't remember any of these
What was going through my mind?

Drunk texts to myself
Subconscious to my phone
What are these supposed to mean?
Should've left this thing at home

[Verse 1: Trevor Moore, Har Mar Superstar]
Captain Crunch origin movie (Captain Crunch)
Learn karate so you can teach it without all of the bullshit (Learn karate)
IHOP established after Second World Pancake War (There was so much blood)
Sex addiction is a serious disease that assholes get (Not truly something that you really have to cope with)
The 711 guy knows a fireworks guy (Thank you Ju'ar Halar)
Hey ladies, the airport is not a slumber party (Sweatpants)
Bill Clinton makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich by himself in the kitchen at night (Ooh)
He puts Doritos in the sandwich and eats it standing up staring off into space (Saxophone up in here!)

[Chorus: Trevor Moore]
Drunk texts to myself (Thank you!)
Messages through time
I don't remember any of these
What was going through my mind?
Drunk texts to myself
Subconscious to my phone
What are these supposed to mean?
Should've left this thing at home

[Verse 2: Trevor Moore, Har Mar Superstar]
Gauges in people's ears are a good way to gauge who not to get into a conversation with (I don't wanna talk to this gutter punk)
They haven't made strip club billboards since the mid-90s' (Laser fonts and cottony bangs!)
Never go to that bar again
They're all assholes, and refuse to apologize if Amy makes you (I feel regrets)
Pitbull is playing on the 18th (Nope! No no)
E-D-E-D-A-D-A-F-B-A-B
Chords to DuckTales theme (A-woohoo, woohoo!)
When high, always think about that dead monkey in the spaceship (Cause that's what gets me off!)
I know you can't get AIDS from a toilet seat, but if you could, I would have totally just got AIDS (Ugh!)

[Bridge: Trevor Moore, Har Mar Superstar]
From the 4th dimension's POV, we're all literally the same organism
Because they are outside of time and see us as a connected branching life where we are one with our ancestors and descendants (Testify to the third eye!)

[Chorus: Trevor Moore, Har Mar Superstar]
Drunk texts to myself
Messages through time
I don't remember any of these
What was going through my mind?
Drunk texts to myself
Another volume here
These are the texts I've sent myself in the last year