[Intro]
Uh, I have a bad habit of drinking a lot and then texting myself. Um, and they're usually just little ideas or reminders or stuff that I think is important at the time, and then when I wake up the next morning, I don't remember sending them and they're just nonsense and they don't make any sense, I do it all the time, so what I decided to do was compile some of my actual drunk texts that I've sent myself over an 18 month period and turn them into a song. So, that's what this is and these are all my actual drunk texts, so...

[Chorus: Trevor Moore]
Drunk texts to myself
Messages through time
I don't remember any of these
What was going through my mind?

Drunk texts to myself
Subconscious to my phone
What are these supposed to mean?
Should've left this thing at home

[Verse 1: Trevor Moore, Reggie Watts]
Start a band called Dwarf Cooter
Black people are the second worst at being President
Tell all of your friends you're moving back to Virginia
Then just move across town
Write a dinosaur children's Christmas book
The last line should be "because it had never snowed in dinosaur land before."
You kicked the door, but the light thing was already broken
Secretly learn French
Try to get the rights to Space Jam

[Chorus: Trevor Moore]
Drunk texts to myself, messages through time
I don't remember any of these
What was going through my mind?
Drunk texts to myself
Subconscious to my phone
What are these supposed to be?
Should've left this thing at home

[Verse 2: Trevor Moore, Reggie Watts]
"Fat Girls Taking Dumps" would also be a great band name
The 711 on Franklin doesn't sell beer because they're Muslim
See if lolfarts.com is taken
Porno For Pyros is the one that sings "Tahitian Moon."
You need to pay the bus driver twice next time
Rapping dog TV show
Tonight by the tire swing there's a fight to the death as the deer stares into the field
Followed by seventeen exclamation points
Learn to Tokyo drift
I am just a conscious vibration observing my little section of life
Sent from my iPhone

[Chorus: Trevor Moore]
Drunk texts to myself, messages through time
I don't remember any of these
What was going through my mind?

Drunk texts to myself
Subconscious to my phone
What are these supposed to be?
Should've left this thing at home
[Outro]
How 'bout a hand for Reggie Watts? And space! Yeah!