[Verse 1: Mark Hoppus]
It's Christmas Eve and I've only wrapped two fuckin' presents
Christmas Eve and I've only wrapped two fuckin' presents
And I hate, hate, hate your guts, I hate, hate, hate your guts
And I'll never talk to you again

[Chorus: Mark Hoppus]
Unless your dad will suck me off, I'll never talk to you again
Unless your mom will touch my cock, I'll never talk to you again
Ejaculate into a sock, I'll never talk to you again
I'll never talk to you again

[Verse 2: Mark Hoppus]
It's Labor Day and my grandpa just ate seven fuckin' hotdogs
Labor Day and my grandpa just ate seven fuckin' hotdogs
And he shit, shit, shit his pants, he's always fuckin' shit his pants
And I'll never talk to you again

[Chorus: Mark Hoppus]
Unless your dad will suck me off, I'll never talk to you again
Unless your mom will touch my cock, I'll never talk to you again
Ejaculate into a sock, I'll never talk to you again
I'll never talk to you again