[Verse 1]
Oh, well, imagine as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor
And I can't help but to hear, no, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter
"And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore"

[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

[Verse 2]
Oh, well, in fact, well, I'll look at it this way: I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Oh! Well, in fact, well, I'll look at it this way: I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne

[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

[Post-Chorus]
Poise and rationality
Again
[Chorus]
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

[Post-Chorus]
Poise and rationality
Again

[Click here to read about Panic! at the Disco's first live performance of “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”]

[Click here to read about the music video]