Was a wet day in London, me fortunes were crumblin'
I was on me way back from the building, the job
And the foreman that day, he saw nothing my way
And the lorry ran over the sandals, begob

I was hungry and thirsty and felt a bit down
I went in for a little libation
I'd five pints of porter, three Jimmies for starters
Two pork pies and what —
Some cabbage and bacon

Though the day, it was dreary
Now I felt a bit cheery
In no time I was ready for action, begob
And I played the old jukebox
Pulled up the old blue socks -
And winked at this young woman beside me, begob
Wouldn't it be, it would happen to me
She winked back and she sat down beside me
I told her me name and she told me the same
Says I to her, "What?"
"Then what are ya drinkin'?"

[Chorus]
"Come here, me old flower" I said then to her
"It's the truth, I'm known as a liar"
"Come here, me old flower, I've seen ya before!"
"Give the woman in the bed there more porter"
She'd a gin and a tonic and I felt supersonic
For her figure was maybe the devil, begob
With curves in right places through satins and laces
That would tempt an old bishop though celibate, begob
Me luck might be in and tonight I might sin
Though last week I was just at confession
But who gives a damn, sure would do me no harm
To have me a bit —
A bit of diversion

Well, I was playing it cool
As I do as a rule
When the barman was calling for time now, begob
And she said with her sweet face
She'll come back to my place
Was then that I knew she was mine now, begob

Her place it was lush, with carpets so plush
She took off me ol' cap —
Then the wellies
Without any delay
She wore a sweet negligé
Like the girls wear on what —
(On what?!)
On page three or telly
[Chorus]
"Come here, me old flower"
I said then to her
"It's the truth, I'm known as a liar"
"Come here, me old flower, I've seen ya before!"
"Give the woman in the bed there more porter"

I don't mean to be crude but I stood in the n***
With this goddess, this beautiful Venus, begob
She ruffled me duffle, we kissed and we shuffled
What a sight if me ma only seen us, begob
I was feeling quite grand with the business at hand
When this photo I saw on the dresser
Was herself and this man, oh, with dirty big hands
For her husband was who —
(Was who?!)
Was Wild Bill the wrestler

Although she was charming, I felt this alarming
He was mean as a hairy...
Gorilla, begob!
"If he caught me in bed
With his woman", I said —
"He'd kill me for sure I can tell ya, begob"
She said, now, don't worry for he'd never hurry
Don't seen him at all, he's a messer
The door opened that night and I got such a fright
In the doorway was who —
(Was who?!)
Was Wild Bill the wrestler
(Chorus)
"Come here, me old flower" I said then to her
"It's the truth, I'm known as a liar"
"Come here, me old flower, I've seen ya before!"
"Give the woman in the bed there more porter"

With rage he was steamin', his eyes they were gleamin'
Like a wild bull, he charged over to me, begob
But I ducked his wild pass
Kicked him in the ass
And ran like a hare for the doorway, begob!
I'd have gotten away without any delay
But I tripped and fell over the carpet
When I tried to get up, well this dirty big pup —
Grabbed me by the what —
(The what?!)
By the leg and he pulled it

[Chorus]
"Come here, me old flower"
I said then to her
"It's the truth, I'm known as a liar"
Don't believe this old yarn, don't believe this old rhyme
For I'm pulling your leg like he's pulling mine

Tooraloo, tooralay, with your toorali oorali ay