Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five

Well I went out for a boogie, a week ago last Tuesday
I was doing the Wigan Hustle and the Palais Glide
I met a girl in big suspenders, and her boswams were stupendous
Like two bald-headed men sitting side by side

She wore a bra size forty-five, and she could jump and jive
And when she stopped dancing, bits of her kept wobbling about
She said "you drive me crazy, burn some rubber on me, baby"
She grabbed my little whistle, and she began to shout

Hit me with your rhythm stick, hit me, hit me
Je t'adore, ich liebe dich, hit me, hit me, hit me
Hit me with your rhythm stick, I'm six feet tall and five feet thick
Hit me, hit me, hit me!

Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five

I couldn't do nothing but stand and stare
She gave me a hug like a grizzly bear
I couldn't see much, I thought I was dead
I had boobs upside my head

Boobs upside my head, boobs upside my head
[Tune switches to "Baggy Trousers" by Madness]

Oh, what a front she had! Enough for me, my brother and dad
A chest of drawers no doubt, one with the top drawer half-pulled out
Oh, what a front she'd got! Believe me son, she'd got the lot
Right before my eyes, and she was bra size forty-five

Erm, excuse me, what do I do now?
Man, be cool - gotta get down and have a rap
I beg your pardon? I think I'll do a talking bit instead!

She was the big economy size, her boswams were gigantic
Like two fat little boys wrestling under a blanket
The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from her pullover
I think her name was June, 'cause she was busting out all over

She said, "Can you feel the force, do y'wanna take one step beyond?"
I said, "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on!"
She said, "Knock on wood, I'll blame it on the boogie, now what do ya think about that?"
I said, "Ooh heck, it must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that!"

Not so much of the night fever, more like a belt with a tire lever
She was not at all pendulous, in fact she was tremendulous!

Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
She wore a bra size forty-five, and when they played "I Will Survive"
She went crackers, and her animal desires became much keener
She said "John I'm only dancing, but I'd rather be romancing"
She had me inside out and upside down in the back of my Cortina

Hit me with your rhythm stick...

[Tune switches to "Cars" by Gary Numan]

And there in my car, the windows all steamed up
I thought I would drown, she let it all hang out in bras (size forty-five)
And there in my car, I thought "this is it," an instant replay
My foot out the window in bras (size forty-five)

[Tune switches to "Swords of a Thousand Men" by Tenpole Tudor]

Hoo-rah, hoo-rah, hoo-rah-ay
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
I got out my tent pole and chewed 'er
Hoo-rah, hoo-rah, hoo-rah-ay
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp!

[Back to "Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick"]

She wore a bra size forty-five, I thought I never would revive
When I tackled that young lady with the bounciest of blouses
But she left me for a geezer who had much more chance to please her
With his own master blaster and a pair of baggy trousers
Oh, what fun they had!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five

And that's why, and that's why
And that's why, and that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good, like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pullin' my pud!
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good, like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pullin' my pud!

Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Thanks for the mammary, I think I've got it sussed
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
You've seen one, you've seen them both, I'm gonna go for bust

Don't they make a lovely pair?
They look like a couple of Himalayas!
Double top, boogie on down, Bristol is my favorite town
Everybody understands, arthritis in both hands

She's a disco bumper, she's got a lumpy jumper
Cross your heart and hope to die, please don't poke me in the eye
I know a girl from Potter's Bar, got eaten by her living bra

Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
I said baby, oh baby
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Surround me, drown me, engulf me
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Chew me up and spit me out
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Let me shipwreck against those white cliffs of Dover
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Get back, Leroy!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Get back, Leroy!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
I wanna be Mr. In-Between
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Oo-wee!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
She was a bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Have you ever seen anything like that?
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five

Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp, UH!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
[motorboat sounds]
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
You know, when you see things like that
You just want to walk up to 'em
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
And stick your head between them, and go...
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Wow! Bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
What a stupendous lady
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
You don't get many of those to the pound, ooh!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Kick 'em over your shoulders
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Double top, boogie on down, Bristol is my favorite town, ooh!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
It must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that, uh!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Look, there's a lady police officer!
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five
Can you feel the force?
Bra size forty-five, bra size forty-five