[Intro]
Take cover!

[Spoken]
Ahhh... Now that the Cosmic Control Tape is in my grasp, this band'll play everything I want perfectly the first time through. And you know, while I was sitting on the toilet last night, I thought up this little ditty. And I thought you guys, like, might like to play it for me. But anyways, in case you furballs haven't heard of me, my name is Techno Destructo, and I can outfight, outfuck, outfart any of you lame-ass motherfucking rock stars, because I am Techno Destructo! And I come from beyond Jupiter, beyond Venus, and that's way past Uranus, buddy. And I come from there with a mission, and that mission is to make GWAR give up their decadent rock lifestyles, and join me and The Master in the holy jihad to rid the universe of his deadly enemies. And that means no more Super Big Gulps, or women with tits the size of Ethiopia

[Pre-Chorus]
GWAR will serve The Master
Or GWAR will die!

[Chorus]
Techno Destructo, Techno Destructo
Techno Destructo, GWAR must die!

[Verse 1]
I'm the walking droid with the microchip brain
A megaton bufferin' to forever end your pain
When it comes to taking life, I'm the cosmic leech
I'll make World War III seem like Sunday at the beach!

[Spoken: Announcer]
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Mammoth Puke-O-Plex Organized Death Arena, where tonight we've got that intergalactic potato masher, Techno Destructo, facing off against Oderus Urungus, the infamous baby crusher and "Irish Kid", in a no-holds-barred -- Whoa! They haven't even shaken hands and oh my god, Oderus has been pile-driven in the nuts with a Marshall stack. You know that's gotta hurt! And Techno's got him in the nuclear vicegrip... he's breaking open his skull, and he's... he's... he's making a meal out of Oderus' brain! Ahhh!

[Bridge]
GWAR must die!
GWAR must die!
[Verse 2]
I can't comprehend on how you get your thrills
In dicing up worms and making love to roadkill
The decadence of your lives was just as clear a glass
Now it's broken into shards I can shove into your ass!

[Outro]
Techno Destructo, Techno Destructo
Techno Destructo
Aww, shit..., the Cosmic Control Tape, ahhhh...
Hooray!