[Transcript, spelled backwards]

I am right-handed, but don't get it fucked up bitch

I can still write with my left hand too

I don't like peanut butter but I do like jelly

My turtle is dead
His name is Troy

I used to hold grudges

When I tell you that I'm a really good liar, I'm telling you the truth

I hope this film gets a million hits

Michael Jackson is not dead

When I lived with my grandmom, our toilet didn't work, we had no money to fix it, so I had to shit in a bag everyday for almost two weeks

The last song I listened to was “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley

Buffalo wings are my favourite food

One time I forgot how old I was so I called my mom and asked her. (I was 19)
My boyfriends [sic] name is Mike, no I am not a dyke

I was eating a piece of chicken and the bone cracked my fucking tooth

My license plate is KLC 8495

People think that I'm an extrovert, but I'm actually introvert

I am right-handed, but don't get it fucked up bitch, I can still write with my left hand too

Yes I am religious, I believe in myself

I don't drink or smoke, but I'll probably get hit by a bus so that don't mean shit

Hi, my name is God, but everyone calls me “Whack”

Almost

I sit down in the shower and pretend to take a bath

I wish my mom was my daughter

One time I got stabbed in a shootout

I wonder if I have any fans that are midgets... [rearranged]
That would make me really happy

Dinosaurs are way cooler than dragons

I prefer to use the mens bathroom

I snore when I'm awake