The Top 10 Worst Eminem Songs10. PukeI knew I shouldn't go and get another tattoo of you
On my arm, but what do I go and do
I go and get another one, now I got two
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

M: Simple math aside, that has to be some of Eminem's laziest writing, but, appropriately enough, this song has a lot to do with puking. It makes you feel shit, and just as you think you're finished surprise! But, unfortunately, unlike puke, you can't just pour pink sawdust on this song to make it go away

Now I'm sittin' here with your name on my skin
I can't believe I went and did this stupid shit again
My next girlfriend, now, her name's gotta be Kim
Shi-i-i-i-i-i-it

RC: This song wasn't designed for people to listen to. It was designed for him to listen to and wallow in his own sorrows, and didn't care to actually make us feel anything

M: Oh no, it made me feel something all right. Mainly disappointment. Eminem made a name for himself by rapping about hatred, but this song just feels like a cheap call back minus all the attitude and intensity.9. Evil DeedsTherefore, I did not know that I would grow to be
My mother's evil seeding, do these evil deeds

M: It's the first song off Encore, and much like an overture, Evil Deeds spells it all out, giving you a little taste of everything wrong with this dreadful album all in one stage-setting piece

RC: This song's main problem is that it sounds like a man trying to do what he did before, with bouncy, elaborately flowing intricate lyrical delivery, but, like… something's cracked, something broken, and.. he just can't do it anymore!

Momma had a baby and its head popped off
(head popped off, head popped off, head popped off, head popped off, head popped off) (Marc, anger)
My momma don't want me, the next thing I know I'm gettin' dropped off
(gettin' dropped off, gettin' dropped off, gettin' dropped off, gettin' dropped off)
Ring, ring, ring, on the doorbell of the next door neighbors on their front porch
RC: I think you see our problem with this first verse

Predominantly, predominantly, everything's always predominantly
Predominantly white, predominantly black
Well, what about me? Where does that leave me?

M: With predominantly white fans in a predominantly black genre?

Well I guess that I'm between predominantly both of 'em
I think, if I hear that fuckin' word again, I'ma scream

M: You're the one saying it! Who the hell is annoyed at the word predominantly? It isn't that common. It isn't nearly as annoying as moist...or phlegm...or slurry.

Man, I'd hate to have it as bad as that Mr Mathers claims he had it

RC: And here, he is addressing the fact that you've heard it all before, and that he is recycling it, but like I've always said, acknowledging that you suck is not an excuse to keep sucking. In fact, now it's worse, because now we know that you know you suck and you actively aren't doing anything about it. And this is how you start your album: by rattling off the same crap. And you know, on his other albums where he would joke about his conventions, there was a certain energy, quick-wittedness and intelligence about his self-awareness. This just sounds like he's bored, but completely unwilling to break new ground8. My BandRC: You know, I actually liked this song when it came out. But now that I look at it, this is the first song that signified his new, corny style. And sure, Eminem only has one verse, but that one verse, plus the stupid corny beat and the chorus are enough to pull it down. Make no mistake: the first minute and a half are filled with Eminem and ONLY Eminem. this is Eminem's song, and it's horrible

These chicks don't even know the name of my band
But they're all on me like they wanna hold hand

So I get off stage right and drop the mic
Walk up to these hot chicks and I'm all like
"What's up, ladies? My name's Slim Shady
I'm the lead singer in D12 baby"

RC: And while the rest of these guys here are pretty much mediocre, which does nothing to hurt the song, Proof is the only one with an actually funny verse
I'm gonna let the world know that proof is hot
I should cut his mic off when the music starts
Hey yo it's... Ready to snap on a dumb ass fan
Every time I hear, "Hey dude I love your band."
We ain't a band bitch, we don't play instruments

M: But then, Bizarre comes in… and brings it right back home

I told you I made the beats and wrote all the raps
Till Kon Artist slipped me some crack
Lose Yourself video I was in the back
Superman video I was in the back

RC: No, you weren't. That's just untrue. Like, it's not even the funny kind of untrue, like there's some joke to it, it's just lying for the sake of lying

Fuck D12, I'm outta this band
I'm gonna start a group with the real Roxanne

RC: Why? Why would you start a rap group with the chick from the Roxanne Wars of 1984? What is the joke here? Why was I supposed to find that funny?

M: I don't even think they knew what they were going for here, but the song wraps up in a neat little package which I'm sure they thought was comedic gold

I'm the lead singer of my band, my salsa
Makes all the pretty girls want to dance
My salsa, well, look out for my next single, it's called "My Salsa"
M: Why is this on the album? I think that's a fair enough question. I mean, I guess I can see how it would fit in the music video, you know, for a cheap laugh. They're all in costumes. You got a cute little dog, there, but I don't see anyone blasting this in their car or better yet, singing along

RC: And many people have said this is supposed to be some kind of parody of My Milkshake by Kelis… That's fine, but unfortunately, that doesn't make it sound any less stupid7. My First Single:Here comes the bucking bronco stomping and stampeding up the damn street
Like them buffalo soldiers, I told ya I'm bout' to blow
So look out below, Geronimo, motherfuckers is dominos
I'm on a roll, around and around I go
When will I stop? I don't know

M: Did you catch any of that? He didn't say anything besides string together a bunch of haphazard, irrelevent words with zero meaning behind any of them

Eric swallowed some generic sleeping pills
And woke up in bed next to his best friend Derick bare naked

Janean just turned sixteen and used a fake ID
To sneak in V.I.P. to see R. Kelly
Hehehehehe

RC: So?! What the hell are you talking about? How do these stories relate in any way?

Am I a jerk or just jerk chicken
Or Chicka chicka chicka chicka jer jer jerkin the chain
Twenty-two jerks and a jerk circle
Or is it a circle jerk or wait a minute, What am I saying'?

M: Good Fucking Question, Em. And again, the joke is supposed to be, "Oh, look how aware I am of the fact that I'm not making sense!" To which I say, "Okay… I don't care. You have given me no reason to care." It's just random, scattershot lyrics with no intent of telling you, the listener, anything. These are lyrics from a man who has nothing to say, and and couldn't give two shits how sloppily he presents it. Did he cut any songs off the album? Did he seriously think this were worth releasing? Why didn't anyone stop him?!

Just recently somebody just discovered
Britney and Justin videotapes of them fucking
When they were just musketeers in the Mickey Mouse club
And dusted them and went straight to The Source with them
'Cause they could've sworn someone said Nuh-
And then tried to erase and record over it
But if you listen close enough to it you can hear the
Ga-Uh and then the come to find out it was Justin
Saying "I'm gonna cum!"

M: Why did he just dedicate half of his verse to talking about someone discovering child porn of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears? In such detail, no less?! Why the hell would you waste this much time to tell us something that has absolutely no significance? What's the logic here? Let me try to guess. Is this fake story of child pornography that someone randomly sent to Source magazine that includes Justin Timberlake as a kid saying the N word. Supposed to be a joke on how the Source aren't a reliable magazine, saying that they'll report anything? And, is this story supposed to parallel the old tape they found of you saying the N word? That's the only reasoning I can make out of it, and how contrived would that be if it were the truth? Besides, that old tape of you saying the N-word turned out to be pretty real, so if this convoluted verse was supposed to be you trying to discredit them as a magazine, well, on execution alone, you failed. I'm pretty sure it won't be the last time

So fuck a chicken, lick a chicken, suck a chicken
Beat a chicken, eat a chicken like it's a big cock
Or suck a dick, and lick a dick and eat a dick
And stick a dick in your mouth
I'm done you can fuck off
Fucka-fucka-fuck off!6. Big WeenieRC: This song is supposed to be a diss track to Ray Benzino. And you know how, if you're making a diss track to someone, you usually try to sound like the better, smarter, more clever person? Well, not when you're going through the infantile stage Slim Shady was going through:

You're just really jealous of me
'Cause I'm what you want to be
So you just look like an idiot
When you say these mean things
'Cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie

M: Does anyone else think this sounds like an Eminem song written through the eyes of Spongebob Squarepants? Big Weenie, more like big pussy. What the fuck happened to you?

RC: So yeah, with THAT in mind, check out some of the witty quips that truly put Benzino in his place

You're droolin, you have tooth decay
Your mouth is open, you're disgusting
What the fuck you eat for lunch
A bunch of sweets or something, what?
You munch a bunch of Crunch 'N Munch?

You look like I sound like: singing about weenies

RC: Uh… shots fired?

M: Yeah sure, but who did this song hurt more? First of all, this song is wack as hell, and secondly, it's Eminem dissing somebody we really shouldn't care about in the first place. It's like when he wasted time dissing ICP on his second album! Get the fuck over it!5. Mockingbird: RC: Now, I know a lot of people like this song, and it sounds all sentimental and stuff, and some lyrics are truly bittersweet:

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me

RC: But I'm sorry, I still expect some modicum of lyrical dexterity or at least a flow that sounds like it took time to craft, and here, he sounds like he just wrote a midnight confessional and any rhyming that happened was purely coincidental

And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat

RC: And seriously, listen to this vocal delivery and tell me it wasn't recorded at four in the morning?

I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we were teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is

RC: The pure lackluster delivery murders the sentimentality of the music. Also...

Now, hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be all right

RC: Couldn't you get anyone to do these choruses for you? Like, it was endearing on "Hailie's Song", but now it's getting painful

M: I didn't like any of the Hailie songs, myself. I hate to sound unsympathetic to Em's plite, but I just never cared. And you know she couldn't possibly like them either, especially when she gets older. These songs are the rap equivalent of showing embarrassing baby photos to dinner guests4. Rain Man: M: I think we found the inspiration for that South Park episode where parents go and listen to their kids music and it sounds like shit noises

RC: An appropriate sound for this song, though, because this is the one song off of Encore with absolutely no redeemable value: there's no main theme or point, it's just him farting around for four minutes, unfiltered and with no structure or purpose. His flow is as stilted as ever, and his rhymes are aren't even laughably bad, because that would imply that you could possibly squeeze a quantifiable amount of enjoyment out of this waste of studio money

In football, the quarterback yells out hutt-hutt
While he reaches in another grown man's ass

Grabs on his nuts but just what if
It was never meant it was just an accident
But he tripped, fell, slipped and his penis went in
His teeny tiny little round hiney
But he didn't mean it
But his little weenie flinched

M: No more sarcasm, guys. I just gotta say it straight out: *quieted anger* This, is not, fucking, funny. It isn't offensive. It isn't controversial. It's just unacceptable

And I don't gotta make no god damn sense
I just did a whole song and I didn't say shit

M: Oh! Oh! Okay, I see, that's cool! I noticed how pointless it was! So that just wipes the sleigh clean. No harm, no foul. It's completely cool. No, it's not!

RC: Yeah, by the end of the Encore album, you will wish death on the bastard who invented the concept of "self-referential humor"3. Just Lose ItRC: Now, I already reviewed this song, so honestly, I refuse to listen to it again for the purpose of reiterating my disgust for it. If you wanna hear what I had to say about it, go and check out that review ... I'm serious. You talk about it, I'm not listenin' to that dumb ass laugh again

Mues: Oh, really? This is happening? Okay...um...see you in a minute. Uh, let's see here, uh, what do I remember about Just Lose It? I remember it not being musically all that bad, it was okay. But from what I remember, it just seemed like Eminem trying way too hard for a pop single, like a lot of self-referential humor, a lot of callbacks, making fun of himself. Guess he figured that would sell, and it did. But what I think was really weird is that it wasn't like the rest of the album at all. The rest of the album was alienating as fuck. It's Eminem doing a stupid voice, making fun of irrelevant celebrities...uh, music video, he was wearing a lot of costumes...um, Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire 'cause that was funny to somebody...nose got kicked around a bit at the end of the video...really all I remember. Just Lose It kind of speaks for itself

RC: Ah, okay, I'm back. You're done, right?

Mues: Yep. You don't have to listen to any part of that song now

RC: Oh, thank God

Ha ha ha ha ha

RC: I don't like you2. Ass Like ThatI ain't ever seen an ass like that

RC: Okay, now this song was yet another diss track, this time to Triumph the Insult Comic dog. That's right: the rapper who could be contending for best rapper alive made a diss track to a puppet. This was an embarrassing time to be an Eminem fan

M: But wait: Triumph in the video! And that's Robert Smigel's voice! So did they, like, make up or something?

RC: Look, I don't care if this feud was real or fake: the point is, some publicity battle resulted in this annoying excuse for a song

M: Yeah, hey, remember those random parts about pedophelia in Just Lose It? Well, I guess Eminem thought it was so hilarious, that he wrote an entire song dedicated to statutory rape…

Hillary Duff is not quite old enough so
I ain't ever seen a butt like that
Maybe next year, I'll say ass and she'll make my pee pee go
Do-doing, doing, doing"

RC: My pee-pee? 

M: And if that isn't enough, he's gonna piss on girls too, you know, because that's what the song was truly missing all along...

I just like to pee, pee, pee
Yes, I make R&B, I sing song it go
Ring-a-chong, a-ching-chong-chong-chong-ching

M: Because… R. Kelly did stuff, allegedly. I don't know where that random bit of racism came from. It has nothing to do with Triumph the insult comic dog, but it was 2004 and I guess you had to be there...

Please, please forgive
For I am Triumph, the puppet dog, I am a mere puppet
I can get away with anything I say and you will love it

RC: So, your rip on the guy behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is that people let him get away with saying offensive things just because he's hiding behind the puppet? Well, couldn't you make the argument that your fans are letting you get away with saying offensive things just because you hide behind the alter ego of an angry rapper? I mean, I'm still a fan, but dude, don't be a hypocrite

I am Triumph, Britney Spears has shoulders like a man
And I can say that and you'll laugh 'cause there's a puppet on my hand

M: How do you [Eminem] not see the irony in judging someone because they take cheap shots at celebrities? Have you not heard… every lead single of every one of your albums?

Get to the chopper, everybody get out
I am not Triumph, I am Arnold, get down

M: An Arnold Schwarzenegger reference because… 2003 California election…you know what, fuck it, I can't make excuses for this shit anymore

RC: So yeah, this song is crap, it's reprehensible, and completely inexcusable as the guy who once brought us "The Way I Am" and "Stan", but my friends… nothing can prepare you for this number one song on this list. Nothing1. FackM: I would like you to imagine, if you will, someone who, in late 2005, is trying to get into Eminem's music, but doesn't know where to start. We've all been there. So, he's goes to the record shop, and he sees Eminem's name, but he doesn't know which album to buy, so he takes a safe bet and goes with his greatest hits album, Curtain Call. So he gladly lays his money down and runs home, so excited to pop that CD in. Now imagine you are that person, and the first track you hear, before "Lose Yourself", before "Stan", before "Sing For the Moment", even before "The Real Slim Shady", the very first impression that you get of Eminem is a previously unreleased track called:

Fack fack faaaack
I am going to cum

M: Dude, I don't know what the fuck to say about this. But after hearing this, people stopped saying "Eminem, please come back". I for me at least, my response was, "Eminem, go away. Get lost. Don't call. Don't write. Leave. And never come back."

RC: What the hell was the point of this song? The whole thing is based around a sexual activity that NOBODY did. He might as well have made a song about "Rainbow Parties". I mean, who the hell was this song supposed to be for? It only serves to highlight a gross sexual activity that people of course accused homosexuals of doing, because, hey, they're the demographic you could still pick on in the early 2000s without worrying about losing any money

Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube
Shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube

RC: Are we supposed to be singing along with this? Because… no

M: This is absolute trash, with no redeeming quality whatsoever. There should have never come a day where I would take listening to an Insane Clown Posse song over an Eminem song, but this is that fucking day

RC: Now, some fans like to use the excuse that he was on drugs

M: "On drugs" my ass. "Puke" was made while on drugs. "Rain Man" was made while on drugs. The only possible excuse for a song like this to come from any being of sentient thought is that that person has in mind the specific intention of eliciting pure, unadulterated disgust and hatred for listening audience. In other words; attempted career suicide. And unfortunately for us, you managed to fuck that up too