Hi, I'm the Rap Critic. Let's talk about Schoolboy Q. Now, admittedly, with a name like that, you expect an intellectual, pretentious, maybe even snobbish type know-it-all rapper, right? Well…

*GANGSTA GANGSTA GANGSTA*

…yeah, not exactly. Yeah, Q's on that ol' gangster shit, and at first, I was really reluctant to listen to him, because Q's opening song hits you with:

GANGSTA SHIT

…which just makes me say, "really? Even after Kendrick Lamar, your predecessor on your label T.D.E. hit us with an album pretty much denouncing that whole lifestyle, you want to come right after him, hitting us with the same ol' crap?" Oh, and let me guess, despite all this gangsta gangsta talk, the single that will get the most play is the one that's aimed at the ladies, right? The one that has a lighter beat to it, and talks about how much he wants to be with his girl, but since he's still totally gangsta, he has to remind us how he's still a thug, and mainly focuses on the sexual aspect of their relationship, right?

*song plays*

*sighs* let's get this over with

So we start off with what everyone wants from a music video: dialogue!

"When are you coming home, it's already 3 am"

And you can hear in my voice how affected I am by this. I was hired because of my acting skills

*she lowers the phone to her boobs*

I keep forgetting that music videos are not a very subtle art form

*fades* Okay, so the actual songs starts, and we get a… hm… I don't hear any music…
Wait, is there ANOTHER scene of dialogue coming up?! Dude, just get to the song!

"I'm at home, and I feel like chilling out…"

Uh… what is she reading? Is that a… mad-libs app? It looks like it. No doubt, it's affiliated with Beats by Dre in some manner, right? What, do you just pick random words, and it gives you a silly sentence based off of them? …Uh, okay, well what does this one say?

"I'm at home, and feel like chilling out with myself to hiphop

*stars laughing, but stops* That's not funny. If you're gonna be random, at least be funny

*show rap-Libs*

Exactly!

I'm just sittin' in the studio just tryna get to you, baby

Okay, FINALLY, we get to the song, an it's about having to put in work in the studio when in the back of your head, you wish you were home with your loved one. Okay, I can get with that

But this song so fuckin' dope, girl, it's harder not for me to blaze it

Well, that kinda changes the tone of the song now, because when you say I'm sittin' in the studio tryna get to you, that sounds like someone who's on a schedule and HAS to finish an album before a certain deadline but wants to hurry up as fast as he can to get back to her; however, when you say "But this song's so dope, I have to blaze it", that takes away the work aspect, and it ends up sounding like you're enjoying what you're doing. Basically it's the difference between saying, "I wanna be with you, babe, but I have to finish this job!" and saying, "I want to be with you babe, but I'm just HAVING SO MUCH FUN! And you know, you may BE having fun, but dude, you don't let HER know that! That's not gentleman etiquette!

To tell the truth, wish it was you in this booth that I was blazin'

Adequate recovery
I'm just sittin' in the studio just tryna get to you, baby

Alright, so with that line wrapping it up, we finish the chorus, and get into the actual first verse by Schoolboy Q

Q:
See I've been in the studio just tryna get to you, baby

Or… we just repeat the chorus again…

All night layin' verses though I'd rather lay with you, baby

So, he just rhymed "get with you, baby" with "lay with you, baby"… now, let's be clear here: this isn't like that Jay-Z song "Change Clothes", where everyone got on Jay for rhyming "necessary with necessary"

Young Hov' in the house is so necessary
No bra with that blouse, that's so necessary

Because I understood that the rhyme was actually withe the words "house" and "blouse". However, here, make no mistake there is NO rhyming happening Look, I know it's a song for the lady's but come on, man, put some effort into it!

Bra and panties matchin', nail and toes, you all kinda lady

Oh hey, look, he found a word that rhymes with "baby", just in time for the… THIRD line in this couplet. Well, at least he did it eventually…

Angel out of Heaven, such a goddess have a n***a praying'

And look, he… ALMOST found another word to rhyme with "lady"
I'm just sittin' in the studio just tryna get to you, baby

Oh, was that the whole first verse? Well, that was… lazy, alright let's just keep going

You need a real n***a, shorty so come in, throw that pussy, shorty

Hey, he's finally rapping with some energy! Even though we're halfway through the video and he has yet to rhyme two different words together. And yeah, I know I seem to be only focusing on the rhymes and none of the actual content of his lyrics, but honestly, with this song, so far, it's the only thing to really grasp onto. I mean, what is it that he's saying that I can actually get into?

See I think you and me can make it, this little verse to get you naked

Wait, am I mistaken, or did he just flat out say: "I truly believe in the integrity of our relationship", quickly followed by, "I wrote these lyrics so I could see your boobs

Shit, my type ain't quite her type

…and you admit that she's not even your type

Just when that door knock lose your thong, girl
Cause you girl, cause you girl, girl, cause you girl, girl

…you okay there, Q? Did you… like, mentally breakdown while trying to find a word to rhyme with "girl"?

Put my tongue in different places, play a game of Operation

Oh hey, he managed to work in some semblance of metaphorical allusion, because, you know, in operation, you play a game where you touch all the different parts of the body, and he's saying that he'll use his tongue while doing the same with her

Na-na-na, la-la, la-la, you get what I'm saying

Oh-ho, you see, because the syllables he's speaking are reminiscent of the tongue movements, and she knows exactly what he means by it!

No metaphors, nothing like that
I'm keeping it straight to the point with you

I don't know, dude, you raps could benefit from a little wordplay. I mean, the cunnilingus allusion was at least a little entertaining. And in general, I think music could stand to utilize more metaphorical language. I mean, sure, a lot of works of art used metaphors and plays on wording for the purpose of working around censorship, but I think it's a lot more stimulating to leave some things to the imagination, to not have to say everything in such blunt terms

I'mma put this dick up all in-side-of-you

I keep forgetting that gangsta rap is not a very subtle art form…

Well, overall, I'd give this a 1 out of 5. Honestly, this song sounds like they were sitting in the studio, trying to rush together a love song on the last day of recording before they shot the album to the label. I mean, when the most clever line in your song is:

"Na-na-na, la-la, la-la,"

You are NOT finished writing. Now, in preparation for this review, I decided to listen to Schoolboy Q's Oxymoron album again, and upon closer listens, the guy has some substance behind this LP, I got that he actually wanted to tell me about himself over the course of the album. Unfortunately, despite my positive feelings towards it, it's certainly not a perfect album by any definition, but a song like this is NOT a substantial representation of what he has to offer, and is one the weakest points on said album, but hey, he needed the club song for the ladies, so there it is. Well, I'm the Rap Critic. You don't have to like my opinion, but I don't have to like your song