[Helen]
There a desert where a carnival
Hungry roams round and prowls
Waits to feed, but let's not speak of this now

A frontier town past the desert rests
Here in the queer and quite weird west
Let's stroll its street as the sun creeps on down

Soon we come to the saloon
Let us stop, shots, they are calling our name
Pray we must stay, we've come on quite a day
Miss Helen's one pace from disgraced cabaret

Look round the towns all here and more
Werewolves recline upon the floor
All is at last more like now than before

Tonight things that circle, wait, and prey
Crouch far enough away, lets play
With your heart see what it takes it to break

The light dies upon our pale lives
As it rises right now on the stage
Settle back in with your glass full of gin
For Miss Helen's one pace from disgraced cabaret
And now the cast who appears tonight
In our torrid tales of intrigue and delight
I am Helen, and I shall guide you
Through accounts from our dear town
Which we'll regale to you

In every tale a hero must appear
And our sheriff, rugged true
And brave is here
This week once again
He will face friends I fear

The queen of crime
The sinister Han Mi
Whose exotic webs of intrigue and deceit
What dark oriental magic does
She bring to us from the east

[Han Mi]
Ah yes, it's the tired dragon lady trope again

[Helen]
Let's stick to the script this week

[Han Mi]
Come see Han Mi, the lazy racist caricature from a small minded, bigoted, ignorant asshat of a writer
[Helen]
And of course my friends
We cannot forget our alchemist friend
And secrets that he tends
Our curtain has risen, come join us my friends

Our town's like an address to an orgy
For tired tropes and pulp stories
Gaze on the floor once more
As they writhe and copulate

Your heart has such sublime ache
An iconic role you'll make, stay
One day you'll appear with us here on the stage

And say, in this saloon, those still sane
Unite here each week for a play
Let’s all drink a shot
Of whatever you've got
For Miss Helen's one pace from disgraced cabaret