[Chorus]
The Yam Salve soothes, The Yam Salve breaks
The Yam Salve gives, The Yam salve takes
On your bum, or on your toes
The Yam Salve cures what ails you most

[GUY]
Well once upon a time not long ago I was wrung out, strung out, feeling real low, I had legions on my arms, legs, chest, and mah feet from shooting up crocodile, heroine, and skeet

Amazing Yam Salve, how sweet the sound, soothed my wounds when I was down Now I'm healthy and them drugs I no longer do, I shoot up Yam Salve and it's like woohoo!

[Chorus]
The Yam Salve soothes, The Yam Salve breaks
The Yam Salve gives The Yam salve takes
On your bum, or on your toes
The Yam Salve cures what ails you most

[80'S ANIME PROTAGONIST]
I was sitting at home eating fried green tomatoes, Playing with my boat, Space Cruser Yamato when Light Racer X, he suddenly burst in Giant Super Bad Gundam Robot Tetsujin!

Like Hataka and the Beta Capsule I took Yam Salve and ninja powers! Hi-ya! Ba-cha! A-rikki-tikki-do! Like Hong-Kong-fuey all up in you!

[DUDE]
It's better 'n salmon! Hooch! Caviar!

[FARMER]
It fed my girls, my sheep, my car
[BUNIONS MAN]
Yam Salve, there, cured my bunions right

[SUPER CREEPY GUY]
It touches you inappropriately at night

[USED CAR SALESMAN]
It's smashing, stupendous, better than atrocious: It's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

[WEIRD OLD MAN]
It makes my penis go right in That derriere, and that ain't no sin

[Chorus]
The Yam Salve soothes, The Yam Salve breaks
The Yam Salve gives The Yam salve takes
On your bum, or on your toes
The Yam Salve cures what ails you most

[EXISTENTIALIST]
It began in high school with Vonnegut And led to Sartre, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, to wit And an uncaring universe with no meaning or reason Where we're insects in an absurd moment between nonexistence

No spirits, or gods, or loved ones beyond The craven, apelike, monstrous creatures we are. Why go on, I screamed, and the Yam Salve, I smeared And suddenly, a meaningful creation appeared!

[MEANINGFUL CREATION]
Kyrie Eleison, oh Yam Salva Domine
Kyrie Eleison, oh Yam Salva Domine
Kyrie Eleison, oh Yam Salva Domine
Kyrie Eleison, oh Yam Salva Domine
Kyrie Eleison, oh Yam Salva Domine
Kyrie Eleison, oh Yam Salva Domine
[Chorus]

The Yam Salve soothes, The Yam Salve breaks
The Yam Salve gives, The Yam salve takes
On your bum, or on your toes
The Yam Salve cures what ails you most

The Yam Salve comes, The Yam Salve goes
The Yam Salve's wild, The Yam Salve knows
If your karma's good and clean
In your next life, Yam Salve you'll be

The Yam Salve twerks, The Yam Salve rocks
The Yam Salve loves to get you off
The Yam Salve loves hookers and pets
The Yam Salve waits for you in the woodshed