[Verse 1]
Make it like that famous country singer
Or that guy I saw last night on Jerry Springer
Clean me up but let me keep my edge
In the day I like to keep it dignified
But at night, you know I got another side
And I don't give a damn, 'cause I am what I am
Even if it's really, really bad

[Chorus 1]
I've got an ape drape, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Riverside and get one too
Then you'll have an ape drape like I do

[Verse 2]
Go ahead and buzz around the ears
I've been growing that one braid back there for years
I've had it since the first time I saw Queensrÿche
The front may conform to society
But the back says I have personality
Even if it's really, really, even if it's really, really bad

[Chorus 1]
I've got an ape drape, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Riverside and get one too
And then you'll have an ape drape like I do
[Bridge]
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back
Make it short in front and long in back

[Chorus 1]
I've got an ape drape, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Riverside and get one too
And then you'll have an ape drape like I do

[Verse 3]
If the top's not short enough that it stands up
I could be thrown out of the Bad Boy Club
But don't you lay a finger on my ponytail
Now fix my kid so he looks just like me
Some matching crazy pants are all we need
Some may call it child abuse, I just call it bonding with your dad
[Chorus 1]
I've got an ape drape, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Riverside and get one too
And then you'll have an ape drape like I do

[Chorus 2]
I've got a Norco Neck Warmer, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Norco and get one too
You'll have a Norco neck-warmer like I do

[Chorus 3]
I've got hockey hair, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Canada and get one too
And then you'll have hockey hair like I do

[Chorus 4]
I've got achy-breaky hair, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Nashville and get one too
You'll have achy-breaky hair like I do

[Chorus 5]
I've got a mullet, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Hoboken and get one too
And then you'll have a mullet like I do
[Chorus 6]
I've got forbidden hair, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Europe and get one too
And then you'll have forbidden hair like I do

[Chorus 7]
I've got a shong, yes, I do
They're givin' them to anyone and that means you
You can drive to Florida and get one too
And then you'll have a shong like I do

[Outro]
You'll have Josh Freese hair like I do