[Verse 1]
Young girl says to her mom, "How did you know that father was the one?"
Then mom just rolls her eyes, she says "You'll find that special guy"
But to herself, she cannot lie, she says "I'm praying for the day I die, and bury me"

[Verse 2]
Then boy becomes a man, and finds that special one who understands
He knows 'twas meant to be, her faults, he cannot see
And now he's down on bended knee, I pledge my love eternally, will you marry me?

[Chorus]
Do you take this woman? (I don't!)
Do you take this man? (I don't!)
For the rest of your awful life, she is your lawful wedded wife
Do you take this woman? (I don't!)
Do you take this man? (I don't!)
Eternal agony in holy matrimony

[Verse 3]
The two now joined as one, and from this holy union comes a son
So the cycle begins again, another fool is on his knee
Where is my alimony? Hang yourself from the family tree, say marry me

[Chorus]
Do you take this woman? (I don't!)
Do you take this man? (I don't!)
Eternal agony in holy matrimony
Do you take this woman? (I don't!)
Do you take this man? (I don't!)
For the rest of your awful life, she is your lawful wedded wife
[Bridge]
Menopause, mid-life crisis, moments for the rest of your life
'Til death do you part, 'til the kids leave home, she is your wife
June!

[Chorus]
Do you take this woman? (I don't!)
Do you take this man? (I don't!)
For the rest of your awful life, she is your lawful wedded wife
Do you take this woman? (I don't!)
Do you take this man? (I don't!)
Eternal agony in holy matrimony

[Outro]
Just look at your parents' strife, imagine that for the rest of your life
Do you take this woman?
Indubitably, I don't