[Verse 1: Bret "Epic" Mazur, Shifty Shellshock, both]
I get drunk and I stumble to the phone
And conjure up a bitch to bone when i'm alone
Fucked up, tore back, I need to take a piss
Only when I'm drunk I sing a song like this
My grandma and your grandma...
...sittin by the fire
Hold on, turn that beat off
Nah, keep it going
Crazy town, yo y'all just not knowin'
I get drunk and start talking more shit
And when i got a gun in my hand, you better get
Out 'cause my brain just ain't what it used to be
Forget trying to rationalize, cover your eyes
I get...(uh!)...damn i'm drunk
I need a chunk, no better yet, a hunk of that funk
I get...(uh!)...damn i'm drunk
I need a chunk, no better yet, a hunk of that funk
Yeah, i'm good, bad, dope, I'm freaky fresh
I make hip-hop fans say "yes, yes"
Crazy's comin' thru, you know we're gonna blow up
Hold up wait, I think i'm gonna throw up...
False alarm
I'm getting all the ladies with my cool charm
When i get drunk I might even call my daddy a punk
Yeah, but only when i'm drunk
[Chorus: Epic and Shifty]
Yeah, only when i'm drunk
Only when i'm drunk
Yeah, only when i'm drunk
It happens only when i'm drunk

[Verse 1: Bret "Epic" Mazur, Shifty Shellshock]
It goes one for the chronic, two for the amnesia
I'm that crazy white boy with the drinks in the freezer
Bust a one out, two out blitz type of rapper
That will get out of your seat quicker than a car jacker
Sippin' colt forty fever when I'm coolin' with my people
Got hoes in East Columbus like I'm Billy D. Rico
'cause I move like i'm smooth like I'm Harry Belafonte
Lookin' for them suckers that jumped my homie Le Le
All up in this bitch with the gin and Tanqueray
Drink like Mr. Wendal, smoke bud like Dr. Dre
But that's 'cause i'm old enough to do that type of shit
Goddamn, I gotta piss I pass the mic to Mr. Shift
I get drunk and can't nobody whoop me
I'm trippin', it must be that brew that that i was sippin'
Kickin' in, guess I shouldn't have mixed it with the gin
'cause when I'm laying on my back I can feel the room spin
One too many, I reckon feelin' i got to hurl any second
Want to get up but can't move feels like I'm stuck in a groove
What the fuck was i trying to prove
I got a knack for downin' four-o's
All the hoes know them doobie bros
People call me Shift, I keep a fifth in my trunk
I might fuck an ugly bitch but only when I'm drunk
[Chorus: Epic and Shifty]
Yeah, only when i'm drunk
Only when i'm drunk
Yeah, only when i'm drunk
It happens only when i'm drunk

[Outro: Bret "Epic" Mazur]
Yeah, one two, one two
Only when i'm drunk (x4)