The man from popular culture came round to "check up," he said, "on what we wanted"
I looked at the wife, puzzled awhile, and replied, "Just the normal I suppose
Pay off the house, some sort of world trip, then back home, maybe a boat and cable TV, but only for the football"
He nodded

"Spiritually," he asked, "do you have any spiritual needs, longings?"
I knew sort of what he was getting at, and I knew too I probably should have had some
"Well, it's hard for me to be precise, but I suppose I have some of those
I wouldn't say it affects my day to day activities"
He nodded

"It's family and health that's important," I said, thinking maybe that's what he wanted
"As long as they're okay"
He ticked a box and looked up at me
"I see"
"Well," I said, "we're worried about unemployment," tick, "and the hospitals," tick, "schools, sort of," he ticked, silent
"You know, all that stuff"

He turned to the next page "and... huge and deviant sexual longings?"
"What the fu–," I said
But he went "Look, I'm sorry, I have to ask, let's move on
Politics?"
"Not interested, really"
"Music?"
"I've got some greatest hits albums"
"Poetry?"
"Uh, yeah, like I read it all the time"
"Princess Diana?"
"Let's leave her be I reckon"
"Ever get the feeling intellectuals laugh at you?"
"Couldn't give a fuck, mate"
He asked me to sign, telling me it was non-obligatory, for the purposes of verification only
Two weeks later we got in the post all we wanted, except for the Princess Diana stuff