[Verse 1]
Don't get off the train at Richmond
Skins want your Doc Martens
Don't get off the train at Camberwell
The writers want your Air Jordans
Don't get off the train at Essendon
You'll get attacked for your moccas
Don't get off the train at Frankston
You'll get attacked by the rockers

[Chorus]
Don't get off the train
Don't get off the train

[Verse 2]
Don't get off the train at Eltham
The yodel yobs want lederhosen
Don't get off the train at Caulfield
Yid boys want your copy of The Chosen
Don't get off the train at Broadie
Petrol-heads want your Torana
Don't get off the train at Laverton
Guerrilla Gang wants your banana

[Chorus]
Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off
Don't get off the train
[Verse 3]
Don't get off the train at Box Hill
The skaters, they want your ramp
Don't get off the train at Noble Park
3174 wants your postage stamp
Don't get off the train at Broadford
Bikies want your leather jacket
Don't get off the train at Kooyong
Tennis toughs want your racquet

[Chorus]
Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off
Don't get off the train

[Verse 4]
Don't get off the South Melbourne light-rail
Greenies want your pollution
Don't get off at Flinders Street
Nazi punks want a final solution

[Chorus]
Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off

[Bridge]
Well, the train whistle blowing makes a sleepy noise
Underneath the blankets are all the girls and boys
(Rocking, rolling, rocking, roll)
Rocking, rolling, riding, out along the bay
All are bound for Mourningtown, many miles away
(Rocking, rolling, rocking, roll)
[Verse 5]
Don't get off the train
Don't get off the train at Ringwood
Goths want your mascara
Don't get off the train
Don't get off the train at Windsor
Sandman wants your pyjamas
Get an aeroplane
Flight 103 to Lockerbie now boarding
Don't get off the train

[Radio interview]
Radio host: "Where, then, do TISM fit in? Even producer Tony Cohen, working with the group for the first time, cannot resist a sneer. His nate incapsulation of the group is enough to undercut the most proselytising TISM fan."
Guest: "They're... they're dreadful actually. I.. I.. no time for them. Shocking. Middle-class, pathetic little wankers. You know? I mean, really... umm... absolutely hopeless. I hate them. The TISM lacks the sheer sort of guts of anything like, say The Beasts of Bourbon. I mean, I mean there's a gutsy band. Of course, the... I mean, their cheap sarcasm is, it's... pretty well doesn't get there. It's, it's... uh, it's not real good. It doesn't, it doesn't approach the epic sort of comedy and, uh, and sort of wit of The Birthday Party."
Radio host: "We all know how great the birthday party was. There was chips and streamers and Freddo frogs and a great big cake with jelly and ice-cream. And a Nintendo video game and fizzy drinks and barbiturates and Wizz Fizz and 'pin the tail on the donkey' and lots more."
Guest: "Hahaha! Hahahahaha, no, really..."

[Phone call]
Smartartists: "Ah, yes, Smartartists."
Humphrey: "Oh yeah, uh, here's that list of credits for that, uh, TISM album. Ah, we got, ah, Atlanta Studios; Tony Cohen; Dave McClooney; uh, Alf Cleemac; Craig... Clyde Terry; Yahn Wilderbeast; Nick Marsen; Sebastian Harvey; Anne Liedel; Yuki Wada; and, uh, Roger Grierson. See ya later."
Smartartists: "Piss off."