[Verse 1]
March the 17th, I gotta wear green
June the 10th, I gotta love the Queen
Buck's night, gotta be one of the blokes
April the 1st, I gotta play practical jokes

[Verse 2]
Christmas Day, I gotta be nice to all others
February 14th, I gotta have a secret lover
On New Year's Eve, I gotta rage
On my 30th birthday, gotta lie about my age

[Chorus]
I'm not a shining wit, I'm a whining shit

[Verse 3]
September the 1st, I gotta love my father
May the 12th, I gotta love my mother
First Tuesday in November, gotta go to the Cup
Last Saturday in September, I gotta throw up

[Chorus]
I'm not a shining wit, I'm a whining shit
I'm not a shining wit, I'm a whining shit

[Verse 4]
At the moment of conception, gotta follow the norm
Gonna be like everybody else from the day that I was born
Gonna live my life by the calendar on the fridge
Gonna die the day that I pay up my mortgage
[Bridge]
Life's a piece of shit, woah, woah, woah
Open a vein and split, woah, woah, woah
Life's a piece of shit, woah, woah, woah
Gotta step in it, woah, woah, woah

[Chorus]
Not a shining wit, woah, I'm a whining shit, yeah
Not a shining wit, woah, I'm a whining shit