[Verse 1]
I’m full of Christmas semen
I don’t know what it is, but it’s hot
It’s like heaven's orgasm
Inside an oatmeal cookie shot
And when I put my Santa hat on
It’s a needle full of Christmas glee
Coating my house in frilly shit
And Disney trademark intellectual property

[Chorus]
'Cause it’s snowing, I love shopping
And I fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fucking love Christmas
Setting up the lights so my fucking house sings
'Cause I’m fucking batshit crazy about Christmas
If Christmas was living, I'd fuck it to death
And then consume its body for its Christmas breath
'Cause it’s growing, I'm not stopping
And I fu-fu-fu-fucking love Christmas

[Interlude]
Ladies and gentlemen, Jesus Christ on the electric guitar!

[Verse 2]
I’ll buy all things red and green
Accumulating thousands in debt
I’ll let it ruin my life
Making it the best Christmas yet
And I’ll play those Christmas carols
Until my ears will bleed with Christmas cheer (Christmas cheer)
It’ll scare the shit out of you
But it’s only getting bigger every year
[Chorus]
'Cause it’s snowing, I love shopping
And I fu-fu-fu-fu-fu fucking love Christmas
I love those stop motion specials, scare the shit outta me
'Cause I’m fucking batshit crazy about Christmas
I bathe in hot chocolate ‘til my skin is red
And I quote Christmas Story ‘til your soul is dead!
'Cause I’m soaking in sweet toppings
And I fu-fu-fu-fu-fucking love Christmas

[Bridge]
And the deals, and the meals, and the feels
And the steals at the Sears
Keep it longer, make it stronger, nothing’s wrong here
I could stay here all year
Smell the crazy, feeling hazy, something’s tasty
At the Macy’s downtown
Getting higher, feeling wired, I’m inspired
I’m on fire right now
I love the over marketing for making doubloons!
By the way this song’s available on iTunes!
I wanna smash it open ‘til it’s stiff and cold
And then search its brains for its Christmas gold
And then drink it’s blood ‘til I lose control
And the Christmas madness will take it’s toll!
[Chorus]
It’s snowing, and I love shopping
And I fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fucking love Christmas
Enough to build tranquilizer immunity
I must be fucking batshit crazy about

[Outro]
I’ll kill anyone not celebrating with me
Your resistance is feeding my insanity
'Cause it’s snowing, I love shopping
So put that star atop the tree and buy me a fucking TV
We’re going on a shopping spree, my stockings filled with DVDs
I my heart is filling up with glee, can’t help what’s coming over me
I fu-fu-fu-fu-fucking love Christmas!