[Intro]
You used to love me when I did SNL
Now you want me to suck cocks in Hell
There was a time when I made hit after hit
But now my career is slipping into shit!

[Chorus]
What the hell happened to me?
I used to be the clown prince of comedy
I used to say "They’re all gonna laugh at you!"
And now I'm just praying that you'll laugh at me

[Verse 1]
You kids don't understand why your parents liked this
But back then my films... uh, were still kinda hit and miss
Happy made you happy but The Waterboy sucked
Zohan was a go, man - but then Little Nicky sucked
Grown Ups made you throw up, while Click made you mostly sick
And Jack & Jill's a cinematic dicing of your dick

[Bridge 1]
I did a few serious films
You didn’t get them, but you thought I was okay
But I'd rather stick to crappy plots
That were popular in '98
[Spoken:] Tell me if you recognize any of these...
[Verse 2]
Quirky underdog meets a hot attractive babe
But some unfunny bullies try to stop my goofy ways
My quirky sidekick and/ or grandma help me on my path
While using an annoying voice – and jokes about my ass
[Spoken:] Come on guys, you liked it the first eighteen times
Surely you'll like it fifty-six more...

[Audio version only – Bridge 2]
This plot has worked so well for me
Most of the times I take a breath
But for others in my company
It’s always been the kiss of death
[Spoken:] Bet you didn't know Happy Madison killed more acting careers than Twitter...

[Chorus]
What the hell happened to me?
I made you laugh when you were high in 1990
Now you treat me like a jerk
And I only make movies to get Rob Schneider work
[Rob Schneider voice – spoken:]
Hey, thanks buddy. But you forgot to put me in Pixels
[Adam Sandler voice – spoken:] Well, that's because you wouldn't do blackface for me
[RS:] Seriously Sandler, even I have standards
[AS:] Nah, you don't
[RS:] You're right
[Chorus]
What the hell happened to me?
Please tell me I'm not this generation's Pauly
My movies have become a chore
And even Barrymore cannot save me anymore

[Bridge]
Tippy-tappy, tappy tappy too
Uh, dibby-dabby, dabby dabby doo

[Outro]
I don’t know why I've angered all of you
Oh please God, save me Hotel Transylvania 2
I do the same thing that I’ve been doing for years
So what has changed now to get me all these tears?