[Intro: Elsie Lovelock]
I have a dream, I'm here to tell
About a wonderful fantastic new hotel!
Yes, it's one of a kind, right here in Hell
Catering to a specific clientele (Ooooh)

[Chorus: Elsie Lovelock]
Inside of every demon is a rainbow
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile
Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac
Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child
We can turn around, they'll be heaven bound
With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel

[Verse: Elsie Lovelock]
So, all you junkies, freaks and weirdos, creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes
And downfallen superheroes, help is here
All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers
And prescription drug abusers, need not fear
Forever again, we'll cure your sin
We'll make you well, you'll feel so swell
Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel

[Bridge: Elsie Lovelock]
There'll be no more fire and no more screams
Just puppy dog kisses and cotton candy dreams
And puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like, wow!
Once you check in with me
[Outro: Elsie Lovelock]
So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions
Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here
All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies
Frothing mouth is full of rabies, filled with cheer
You'll be complete, it'll be so neat
Our service can't be beat, you'll be on easy street, yes
Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel!
Yeah