[Verse 1]
It all started last week when I went on a date
She was beautiful, blonde hair, I picked her up at 8
I decided to take her to a magic show
My mom said I shouldn't, but what does she know?
"A lobster for my lady friend, cooked extra nice
And some amaretto afterward would be just right
Thank you, garcon, this is gonna be magnificent
Oh, the lights went down, time for the entertainment"
The magician took the stage and sawed a lady in half
I could see her legs, so fake, made me laugh!
Then they asked for a volunteer from the audience
I hid my face - no way, leave me out of it!
Next thing I know, my girl is volunteering for me
She tells me she thinks "Men on stage are very sexy!"
So I play along, and go up on stage
Hoping the stunt will get me... you know!

[Verse 2]
So now they want to hypnotize me
They'll ring a bell, and I'll cluck like a turkey
I say "Yeah right! Do your best!
This whole thing's faker than Pam Anderson's chest!"
Big laugh from the audience, they loved that joke
Then appeared the hypnotist in a cloud of smoke
"At the count of three and the sound of a bell
You'll close your eyes and be under my spell"
"Ready, here we go, one, two, three, ding!"
I opened my eyes and... nothing!
But wherever I looked, the crowd wouldn't stop laughing
What had I done to elicit this reaction?
Now hold on, y'all, this is the beginning of our story
And I promise later on, it's gonna get gory
So parents, grab your kids, and tuck them off into bed
Because I think I might have killed the President!
[Verse 3]
One week later, I haven't seen the girl since
And I get to school and we're having a field trip
"Class participation is a must"
The sign said "Washington, D.C. or bust"
First thing on the agenda, the reflecting pool
And it made me remember that America's pretty cool
Then off to the White House for a special tour
Our guide was very knowledgeable in American folklore
She told us about Lincoln and George Washington
And even let us go into the room they smoke pipes in
"Time to go downstairs!" she called the elevator up
It arrived, I heard a DING! and felt my eyes shut
I awoke on the floor, the walls felt all curvy
I was soaking wet, and my stomach topsy-turvy
I was covered in blood, holding a knife - I dropped it
I looked around, I was in the Oval Office!

[Verse 4]
What had I done? I couldn't remember a thing!
But then some memories came back to me
I remember finding the president and stabbing him in the neck
Then cutting him into little pieces and stuffing him in his desk
Oh me! Oh my! I didn't mean to!
It must have been that hypnotist and his evil voodoo!
Now some things are bad, like not paying your rent
But I think I might have killed the president!
[Verse 5]
Well, it's been a year now since that fatal event
I framed a hobo to take the cops off my scent
And every time I hear a bell I stab someone in the face
But besides that I'd say that everything is going great!
Please learn from my story, don't be a fool
And never let a communist hypnotize you
Or you might... kill the president!
Out!