[Intro: Oscar Hosts]
Congratulations to all of the 90th Academy Award Nominees
I love these movies
But they never seem to choose the blockbusters, do they?
They sure don't
I guess they'll just have to settle for all that money, huh?

[Verse 1: Thor, Wonder Woman and Both]
Why not me?
Do I not deserve a nomination?
The reviews were raves to be sure
"Fun for the whole family
Look no farther than Thor"
Why not me?
I left my family to fight for what's right
Saved the world from the devil below
But I'm sure it was hard for
Sir Daniel Day-Lewis to learn how to sew
Why not me?
I battled Cate Blanchett
Why not me?
I hid a sword in my dress
We both faced death it's true
But at least Lady Bird got into NYU...

[Verse 2: Pennywise & Tiffany Haddish]
Why not me?
In All The Money in the World
They kidnapped one kid
And they got a nomination
I killed hundreds
I guess that's what you get
When you're not
"Classically handsome"
Oscars so white
But I guess not for me
I need to raise my quote
So I can finally fix my teeth
Horror movies always get the shaft
Hey... let me do one!
I peed while hanging from a zip-line
Meryl Streep has never done that
[Verse 3: The 4 Chrises]
We'd like to petition for
A new category:
"Best Chris"
Or you could just write "Chris"
On an Oscar
And we can share it
Trade off on weekends

[Bridge: Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, Chris Pine]
Roll call!
Hemsworth!
Pratt!
Evans!
Pine!

[Skit: Chris Rock]
Rock!
What? It's us! The Chrises!

[Verse 3 (continuation): The 5 Chrises]
Go Chris!

[Verse 4: Michael Fassbender, Aquaman & Dominic Toretto]
And why not The Snowman?
It was a box office smash
(What's that? It wasn't?)
Well Oscars doesn't care
Since it was critically acclaimed
(7% positive? Are you serious?)
Well I thought it was a neat idea
In The Shape of Water
I heard that a lady boned a fish man
But if you're gonna bone a fish man
Why not bone a fish like this man?
And what even is art?
How do you define its importance?
If popcorn movies are bad
How come popcorn's so delicious?
And when I blow up 6 cars
How is that worse than Schindler's List is?
[Refrain: All]
Why not me?
We saved the world
Why not me?
I am Toretto
Why not me?
I heard a lady boned a fish man
Why not me?
The Snowman was underrated!
Why not me?
I peed on a zipline!!!
We'd like to petition for
A new category:
"Best Chris"
I have terrible teeth
Why not me?
I got a cool new haircut
Why not me?
I am Groot
Why not us?