[Verse 1: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
Step into my crib, everything smell like Coolwater
And if you're coming to mine, you know it's Drakkar Noir
Now have a seat on this couch made of horse leather
I'm told the horse that it's from could run fast and far
Whoo, that shit is sexy
Tell the maitre'd at your booty to expect me
I'm solo and I'm flexin' but don't try to Soloflex me
NordicTrack all day
Squats in the living room, can I get a witness?
The greatest aphrodisiac is physical fitness (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
So take off your Guess and let go of your stress
'Cause the classiest shit is what comes next

[Chorus: Sia, Andy Samberg & Akiva Schaffer]
Silk robes and kimonos
Silk robes and kimonos
Change outta your own clothes
These athletic days, but, oh, those Oakland Nights
Silk robes and kimonos
It's our pleasure to loan those
Pumps and pantsuits all day
All work, no play, no way
It's time for Oakland Nights

[Verse 2: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
In the bedroom, champagne on ice
I make erotic shadow puppets in the candle light
Your hair's crimped, all frizzy 'cause you're frivolous
I feel like Macho Man and you my Miss Elizabeth
Sizzlish, do some crunches and some scissor kicks
Body shaved slick like an exquisite fish
Drag your Lee Press-On Nails
Down my hairless chest
Now, pull my sash, my body shakes like a leaf
Revealing the cloth of my cheetah-print briefs
And I love the way your high-cut thong make your butt long
Now take 'em off, but you know what to leave on
[Chorus: Sia, Andy Samberg and Akiva Schaffer]
Silk robes and kimonos
Silk robes and kimonos
Peel off your pleated polos
These athletic days, but oh those
Oakland Nights
Silk robes and kimonos
I pound the taiko drum in your dojo
Days in padded blazers
Filing papers, no more
It's time for Oakland Nights

[Outro: Sia, Andy Samberg & Akiva Schaffer]
Silk robes and kimonos
Silk robes and kimonos
I'm a pro when I bone but I do it pro-bono
You work hard days so you deserve the Oakland Nights
We're the Oakland Knights of the Round Table
Plus I'll take you out to pizza at the Round Table
Pizza, my favorite pizzeria in Oakland
But bring a change, 'cause you can't wear your silk robe in