[Intro: Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone]
Welcome back to Sports Chat
I'm standing here with two fellas who are having a heck of a year, the Bash Brothers
At this point, guys, I think everyone knows who you are
But just in case, why don’t you introduce yourselves?
Oh, okay, well

[Chorus: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
They call me José
And I'm Mark
José
And I'm Mark

[Verse 1: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
Go, José, go, oiled up like Rambo
Take the needle out my butt and hop in the Lambo
The anabolics got me feelin’ bionic
'Cause you know I'm indestructible
I'm José, I'm Mark
You're a stud, and you're a thoroughbred stallion
Necks laced up with the let's bash medallion
Rollin’ to Hilltop Mall to get a pager
Got girls of every flavor because we’re in the majors
Freaks, hit up my Skytel, I'll come mess up your Maybelline
My beeper beeping more than my dialysis machine
Kidney failure’s just part of the game
We're not ashamed now the world knows my motherfucking name
[Chorus: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
They call me José
And I'm Mark
José
And I'm Mark

[Verse 2: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
Canseco, can make the hoes go low
Slow-mo for your bro, one time otro
Nineteen-eighty-ocho the year of the lobo
The whole Bay love me because I’m so bolo
Speeding through San Fran
Got a pass from the po-po
Pumpin' my andros then wash 'em down with SoCo
Try and touch my Jheri curls I'll put you in a chokehold
Hit the Taco Bell and drop the extra guacamolo
Hotbox the whole Lambo with pakalolo
And teach me that taekwondo, though
Well step into my dojo
Cocaine fists cave your nose hole
They don't know, thoughWe like Samwise and Frodo
But also like Dorothy and Toto
But way more swole, bro
Our bodies are loco, that's why they're chanting

[Chorus: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
José (José! José! José!)
And I'm Mark
José (José! José! José!)
My name is Mark McGwire, I play first base
[Outro: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
They call me José (José, José, José)
(And I'm Mark, And I'm Mark And I'm Mark)
And I'm Mark
José (And I'm Mark, I'm Mark)
And I'm M-m-m-m-Mark