[Verse 1: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer]
She said she wanna fuck me with my uniform on
She grabbed me by the bat, now it's going, going, gone
I never finish sex 'cause I'm so juiced out
But she nutted three times then we bashed then I bounced
I reside in Blackhawk in a big fucking house
My community is gated 'cause I don't strike out
Got a room with a chair, got a room with a couch
Got a framed photograph of the time I met Alf
You know I'm not a hamburger but they call me Big Mac
Got the one ton Jimmy and the itty-bitty sack
My ball shrinky-dinky 'cause the 'roids so strong
But it makes the aforementioned Jimmy-jam look long
The name is Mark, and no I'm not Mork
And yes, I eat pork 'cause it's tasty on my fork
And no, I'm not a jork but I'll jork it out the pork
'Cause Noah should have had the Bash Brothers on his Ork
We are the perfect pair to start a new society
Filled with home-run hitting gold glove Goliathes

[Interlude: Siri]
Here's what I found on the web for "What is the plural of goliath?" Goliaths

[Verse 2: Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Both]
Oh, we're Goliaths, baby boy
Kirk Gibson’s a pariah, baby boy
I work out with a tire, baby boy
I wonder who can lift it higher, baby boy
Ahh! Lift that tire, bitchPut your back in it and lift it higher, bitch
Stab that needle in my ass 'til I am rich
Make me a god with the chemical sciences
Ahh! Baseball, baseball, He-Man hit the baseball
By the power of Grayskull
Rip the skin off and eat the brains out the baseball
Gonna run a motherfuckin' train on the baseball
Ahh! Don't tell me to be fucking calm
Whip out my dick on the Jumbotron
Rip out my bones cause my muscles so strong
Now the pain's so bad that my motherfucking heart stop