[Verse 1]
I was walking through the city streets
And a man walks up to me and hands me the latest energy drink
"Run faster, jump higher."
Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me

[Chorus]
I threw it on the ground
You must think I'm a joke
I ain't gonna be part of your system, man!
Pump that garbage in another man's veins

[Verse 2]
I go to my favorite hotdog stand
And the dude says, "You come here all the time. Here's one for free."
I said "Man, what I look like? A charity case?"
I took it...

[Chorus]
And threw it on the ground
I don't need your handouts
I'm an adult! Please!
You can't buy me, hot dog man

[Verse 3: Andy Samberg]
At the farmers market with my so-called "girlfriend"
She hands me her cell phone—says it's my dad
Man, this ain't my dad!
This is a cell phone
[Chorus]
I threw it on the ground
What you think, I'm stupid?
I'm not a part of your system
My dad's not a phone! Duh!

[Verse 4]
Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party
What you want me to do with this? Eat it?

[Chorus]
Happy birthday to the ground!
I threw the rest of the cake, too
Welcome to the real world, jackass!

[Bridge]
So many things to throw on the ground
Like this, and this, and that, and even this
I'm an adult!

[Verse 5]
Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph

[Chorus]
Ground!
Nobody wants your autograph!
Phonies!
[Verse 6]
Then, the two phonies got up
Turned out they had a taser
And they tased me in the butthole
Fell to the ground, the phonies didn't let up
Tasin' on my butthole over and over
I was screaming and squirming
My butthole was on fire

[Outro]
The moral of the story is
You can't trust the system
Man!