[Intro: Jorma]
Ayo, new Lonely Island, 2011
Let's get 'em, 'Kiv!

[Verse 1: Akiva]
Ayo, my dick don't work, that shit as soft as a pillow
My girly lookin' at me like, “You for real, dude?”

[Break: Jorma]
Ayo, hold up, hold up, we gotta come harder than that
Yo, tell 'em, Andy

[Verse 2: Andy]
I think there might be something wrong with my dick
It's like a melted stick of butter, so soft that it can't fill the rubber

[Break: Jorma]
Aye yo, come on man, this is Lonely Island
People are countin' on us
I gotta run all these motherfuckers myself, woo!

[Verse 3: Jorma]
Ayo, I think I broke my dick in the sink
It's so small and ugly, all smashed and flat, like it was playing rugby

[Break: Jorma]
Hold up, hold up, this is serious!
Kiv let 'em know!
[Verse 4: Akiva]
Yo, for real though, I suffer from stinky dick
Every time I take a piss, it smells just like shit

[Break: Jorma]
Haha, yeah, that's what I'm talking 'bout!
Andy show 'em, how it's done!

[Verse 5: Andy]
My dick looks like the fat that you cut off a steak
Smashed in like my balls went and stepped on a rake

[Break: Jorma]
Lonely Island! Grammy nominated!
Yeah! Hit 'em again

[Verse 6: Akiva]
Yo, straight out the box with my soggy little shrimp
I was an eight year old girl before the doctor found my dick

[Break: Jorma]
We make too much money for this shit
Murder music!

[Verse 7: Andy & Jorma]
I shit the bed 'cause my dick played a prank on my butt (Hit 'em!)
Straight crept when I slept and stuck a laxative up
[Break: Jorma]
Suppository music!
What y'all know about incontinence?

[Verse 8: Akiva & Jorma]
I got Hepatitis C from a horse, but no confusion (Yeah!)
It wasn't from the sex, it was a blood transfusion!

[Break: Jorma]
What?! Motherfucker got horse blood! What y'all got?!

[Verse 9: Andy & Jorma]
I write freaky fan fiction where cartoons fuck
Got CGI Garfield lickin' Marmaduke's nuts (woo!)

[Break: Jorma]
I would like to see that! This is that Garfield sex music!
Now y'all just showin' off, preach!

[Verse 10: Akiva]
I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump
Every other week, I swing by and bring him some lunch

[Outro: Jorma]
Oh, now that just sounds nice!
I'ma call it right there, game over, motherfuckers!
Lonely Island, we started this fake rap shit!
The world needs us!