The Lonely Island
Doppleganger
[Tag (over the black screen): "An SNL Digital Short"]
[Fade in on three guys in shirts and ties sitting on a sidewalk bench and eating their lunches]
SETH: [points] Oh, my God. That guy over there totally looks like you, Will.
WILL: What? Where?
SETH: Over there on the bench.
[CUT to Will standing with one foot on a sidewalk bench. He is dressed exactly the same except for a fake mustache]
WILL: That guy? No way, he doesn't look like me.
SETH: Doesn't that look like him?
ANDY: He looks like you.
SETH: I mean, you have to imagine him without the mustache, but he's a dead ringer.
WILL: Okay, I guess so. That's pretty good. Okay, Seth, I'm gonna try to find you.
SETH: Good luck.
[Will peers at passersby]
WILL: Boom. Right there. [points to left]
SETH: No, where?
WILL: Over there by the wall.
[Cut to Seth standing on the sidewalk and dressed exactly the same except for a top hat]
SETH: [with his mouth full] Oh, come on, that guy looks nothing like me.
WILL: Oh, my God, Andy, doеsn't that look like Seth?
ANDY: It looks like you.
SETH: What? That guy's got a big top hat, hе doesn't look anything like me.
WILL: Well, you gotta imagine him without the top hat. He's your doppelganger, man.
[Seth covers up the "lookalike's" top hat with two fingers]
SETH: I guess, you know–yeah, I see it. All right, let's do Andy.
WILL: Okay.
[They all scan the streets for a long moment]
SETH: [points] There he is.
WILL: [points] Wait, I got one too.
SETH: By the trash can?
WILL: Same one.
SETH: Yeah
WILL: Oh, my God, that is you, Andy.
[Cut to a street bum dressed in a green Army surplus jacket, bright red mittens, and jeans cut off at the calves]
ANDY: That guy?
SETH: Yeah, that guy.
ANDY: He doesn't look anything like me.
WILL: What, he looks exactly like you.
SETH: I mean, you gotta look past the gloves.
ANDY: Hey, it's not the gloves. That guy's a loser.
WILL: Fine, who do you think you'd look like?
ANDY: I don't know. [points to right] How about that guy?
[Cut to Andy standing against a wall and dressed exactly the same except for a bright green bandanna around his neck]
WILL: Yeah, that guy does not look anything like you. He's wearing a green bandanna around his neck.
SETH: Yeah, I know–the first guy, that guy's your twin.
ANDY: That guy...
[In disgust, Andy stands up and walks over next to the street bum]
ANDY: You think I look like this guy! [points at bum]
WILL: Well, not now, he's wearing those gloves.
ANDY: Okay, fine!
[Andy pulls off the bum's gloves and throws them to the ground. The bum stands idly]
ANDY: How about now?
[Seth and Will stand up and look bewildered]
SETH: Now I… now I can't tell 'em apart! Which one's Andy?
ANDY: You gotta be kidding me!
[Will and Seth stare for a moment, and then Will aims a handgun at them]
WILL: I don't know which one to shoot.
ANDY: What?! Why are you gonna shoot anyone?!
SETH: Wait. We can ask him something that only Andy knows! Andy, what do you think about sandwiches?
ANDY: I–uh–I–I love them!
SETH: Andy does love sandwiches.
WILL: Everyone loves sandwiches!
SETH: You're right. Take the shot.
ANDY: Don't take the shot!
SETH: Take the shot!
[Cut abruptly to a black screen as a gunshot rings out]
[Cut to Seth and Will back on the bench. The street bum sits between them and finishes Andy's lunch]
WILL: [sheepishly] I shot the wrong guy.
SETH: Yeah.
[They sit motionless for a moment]
SETH: Back to work?
WILL: Back to work. [to bum] Let's go, bozo.
[All three stand up at once and walk calmly away]
[Fade to black]